urbaneyes

Men getting old and positive:

I have seen two movies in the past few days. Both with Jack Nicholson. “Something’s gotta give” [big screen] and “About Schmidt” .The acting of the old master is riveting. Both stories are powerfully redemptive. Redemptive in that the two characters as older men over 60 find new sparks of life and purpose in life without the stories turning smultzy. One begins his redemption out of indulgent self centeredness, the other out of loneliness and ordinariness in retirement.

Men are in crisis: Men wonder what life is meant to be. At all different stages in life. Accumulation? Success? Making a difference? Leaving a legacy? I wonder often. It fills my mind and reflective moments. These films as great stories have been another deposit in my hope bank.

In “About Schmidt” as Schmidt’s life unravels he decides that he has not made a difference to anybody. His life is empty and meaningless even though he has served the community well and been a dutiful husband. [The dynamics of strong overbearing dominant women in this film is fascinating.] But it is the little boy in Tanzania he writes to and sponsors that is the redeemer in his moment of loneliness and despair. It is a heart attack and a caring woman that are the redeemers in Something’s Gotta Give.

It appears that we have to seriously talk to ourselves men! We must reflect on life and see that the little things count. That is, the little things we do for others and with others. These little things are life and for these we were made! It was as Harry [“Something’s gotta give”] apologised to all the women he had used and manipulated that his perspective began to change. It was as Schmidt said sorry to his wife and asked for forgiveness that he began a deeper journey of purpose and meaning.It was as he realized the impact he was making on one orphan in Tanzania that the flood gates of hope [and tears] flowed.

Steve Biddulph [“Manhood”] talks about men in Australia leading lives of quiet desperation, wondering about their destiny. Working in a job they don’t like to pay off a mortgage that has held them captive for 20, 30 or 40 years!

It was a shock to read this last week that M Scott Peck [author of “The Road Less Travelled” ] is a chain smoking heavy drinking contradiction of all he espouses!

The answer for all of us is not to leave our homes and loved ones and go to Tanzania, or to take up smoking or heavy drinking! The major adjustment we can control is to regularly reflect on how well we do at giving unconditional love to those closest to us, to make adjustments to that and to our drivenness, and to make adjustments to our selfish preoccupation about making a big difference in the world! This is not a cop out for being passionate, visionary and organised! It’s not a call to join the Quakers!

But as we reflect we need to know what that unconditional love means for those closest.It usually begins by our being present, physically and emotionally! Whether we are introverted or extroverted, it seems to me that as men we have trouble being both physically and emotionally present.

Some regular reflection and serious adjustments while developing the habit of gratitude will redeem our souls and our relationships and our sense of well being. Let grace flow.

Peter Breen. a.. urbaneyes

Urban mission in Brisbane. Peter and Mavis Breen.