WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THE SAMARITAN WOMAN?

The topic I’ve been given today (‘Moving on in Ministry’) is a most interesting one – and interesting for this church-in-transition as it moves into an exciting future.

First, let’s affirm that all Christians are ministers. One or two of us are ‘pastoral ministers’ but we’re all ordained to ministry – at our baptism. The pastors’ task is to help equip everyone for Christ’s ministry through them.

We each have differing gifts, and therefore differing ministries. But we can say some things about the ministry of everyone. Broadly, our ministry is to do in our world what Jesus did in his, the way Jesus did it (with grace and truth). And our relational attitudes should be those of Jesus: see the lists in Romans 12, and 1 Peter 3 and elsewhere in the New Testament for a summary.

Today I want to talk about one ministry we all have – that of ‘healing encouragement’.

Here are some Scriptures to encourage us in this ministry: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16)

Do good… be rich in good works, generous, and ready to share. (1 Timothy 6:18)

For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is also dead. (James 2:26)

Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that our works are done with gentleness born of wisdom. (James 3:13)

We urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with all of them. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all. (1 Thessalonians 5:14-16)

The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace. (James 3:17-18)

Now that you have purified your souls by your obedience to the truth so that you have genuine mutual love, love one another deeply from the heart. (1 Peter 1:22)

Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. (1 Peter 3:8)

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Before we look at a particular Scripture story, let me affirm for you that a good friend is as effective a counsellor in most life-situations as the experts. (Look up Carkhuff, Berenson, Truax on the Web).

Our key text: John 4 – Jesus’ amazing discussion with the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well.

You know the story.

Jesus was truly human. The omnipotent God in a human body got tired. Also, he was a poor man, and did all his journeys on foot.

Here’s how one writer summarized his encounter with the Samaritan woman: ‘She hadn’t really planned to see anyone that day at the well. Experience had taught her when to go for water so that she could safely come and go to avoid the painful glares of distain.

His plan was to catch a few winks while the disciples went to town for food. What better place to rest than a well at noon? No one comes for water at this hour. So he sat down, stretched his arms, and leaned against the wall of the well. But this nap was soon interrupted. He opened one eye just enough to see her trudging up the trail with a heavy jar on her shoulder. Behind her came half a dozen kids, each one looking like a different father.

She didn’t really have to say a word. Her life story was written on the wrinkles of her face. The wounds of five broken romances were gaping and festered. Each man who had left her had taken a piece of her heart. Life-takers. Now she wasn’t sure there was anything left.

“And the man you now live with won’t even give you his name.” Jesus said it for her. He understood her pain too well. Far more than five men had broken commitments to him.

Silently the Life-Giver reached into his kit and pulled out a needle of faith and a thread of hope. In the shade of Jacob’s well he stitched her broken spirit back together. Words of life became her medicine as he spoke. “There will come a day when what you’re called will not matter. The Father is out looking for those who are simply and honestly themselves before him.”

No one would have blamed Jesus for ignoring the woman at the well that day. To have turned his head would have been much easier, less controversial, and not nearly as risky. But God, who made her, couldn’t do that. God’s a Life-Giver.’

She would have expected some animosity, but instead got kindness.

Notice the disciples, when they returned, still didn’t ‘get it’ – they were ‘astonished’ that Jesus spoke with such a person. I still meet that attitude. ‘Why would you give time to practising homosexuals, or atheists (or whatever)?’ Short answer: because Jesus related with friendship to marginalized people. In our Baptist churches in this state (Victoria) we still have some unChristlike attitudes around: 30% of them, according to a Baptist Union survey a few years ago, would not ‘welcome’ a homosexual ‘at the door’ of the church. Can you believe that?

In a recent ABCTV Compass program I was trying to make the point that ‘acceptance/love/ grace’ is the primary, the first, the main, reaction we must have with ‘sinners’ of all kinds. And ‘sinners’ will recognize that. If they don’t, there’s usually something wrong with our attitude: it’s too judgmental, or dogmatic or legalistic. They should hear first ‘I do not condemn you’ before any ‘Go and sin no more.’ After Paul deals in the Epistle to the Romans with the sins of Jews and Gentiles (including heterosexuals engaging in perverted homosexual sex, Romans 1) the climax of his letter is 15:7: ‘Accept one another, just as Christ has accepted you, for the glory of God.’

The Compass program didn’t edit my fairly long interview into three short segments very well. Essentially I said: whatever a follower of Jesus classifies as sin (and for Jesus ‘sins of the spirit’ got him more angry than ‘sins of the flesh’) our relating to such ‘sinners’ must be with acceptance/love at all points along their journey. AS Tony Campolo frequently says, we must do much more than bid non-heterosexual/unmarried people to be celibate. Yes, we will be careful about the ‘moral’ qualifications of leaders (all the Galatian sins – see Galatians 5 – should be considered, including slander as well as sexual sins); and we’ll be careful to protect children and other vulnerable people from potential predators of any kind. But in this process we’ll not only glibly mouth the cliché about ‘loving the sinner but hating the sin’, but such love and acceptance of persons will be so evident that sinners know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re loved (which is not usually the case when they come across Bible-quoting Christians, in my experience).

So, you meet a fellow-struggler, and begin a conversation. What do you say? How do you start?

Well, you start with some ‘small talk’. Jesus asked for a drink. Unusual that: Jews and Samaritans (even before they discovered ‘germs’) didn’t drink from the same utensils. They had a similar enmity for each other as the Jews and Palestinians have today. Also it was thought improper for a male to initiate a conversation with a women-not-his-wife/mother/daughter in public. (Some rabbis even forbade men to talk to female relatives either: if they wanted their wives’ opinion they’d give it to her!). So this request was not just a lead-in to a conversation, but a statement about the absence of prejudice on Jesus’ part, which would have disarmed some fear the woman might have had about this Jew.

Although this chapter is long (the longest single conversation recorded by Jesus with anyone?) it’s a précis of course. But that said, notice how quickly the ‘lead-in’ got to some serious issues. That’s an art that can be learned. As a pastoral counsellor I give myself about 4-5 sentences of ‘small talk’ before we get into something important. Each of us has to work at that in our own way. But the ‘prompts’ will be broad and non-invasive:

· ‘How have you been travelling recently?’

· ‘Why not toss in a headline!’

· ‘What’s happening in your life right now?’

· ‘When I pray for you what should I pray about?’

Promptings which are global, generic, and allow the other to respond with any issue they like.

‘Oh,’ she said, I was repeatedly sexually abused – including rape – by her father from a very early age. Her father had said to her mother: I don’t love you any more, and I’d have left if we hadn’t had this baby (the youngest of three girls). So I’ll ‘love’ her instead.

The rage this provoked in my client’s mother was, of course, enormous. And how did she treat this little competitor for her husband’s affections?

Here’s my client’s story about just one aspect of her life – she almost certainly suffered from ‘shaken baby syndrome’ (and she emailed confirmation that she’s happy for me to share all this with you):

‘The indications I have suffered ‘shaken baby syndrome’ include:

MEDICAL DATA:

1. Brain frequently has ‘glitches’ – like a shot of electricity racing through it, jolts it and I lose a bit of equilibrium. Doctors consider it pre-epileptic seizure type problem. Take epileptic (Epilim type) medication to stop it going full blown. Worsens with stress and/or tiredness as with most seizures.

2. Occasional paralysis of left leg calf muscle – due to nerve damage. Broken nerve pathways from brain. (Wear leg brace when this occurs).

3. Multiple problems with spine – neck, shoulders, thorax, mid and lower back all display odd and unrelated damage. Physiotherapy/chiropractic/spas/ etc only aggravate it. Medical opinion is poor nerve messaging all the way along spine has resulted in injuries. The poor nerve messaging is thought to be BROKEN nerve pathways i.e. consistent with having been severely shaken when spine extremely soft and nerves exposed and sensitive – probably damaged when I was between 6 weeks to 3 months of age – definitely before 6 months.

4. Have no feeling in several fingers and unremitting tingling in feet – again consistent with nerve pathways having been broken when very soft and pliable.

5. All other tests (MS, Motor-Neurone Disease, etc) have been negative so there is no current disease responsible for damaged nerve messaging, leaving broken pathways as a logical reason.

6. Severe migraines from early childhood MAY also be attributed to this shaken baby syndrome. (Not known really, but makes sense to the neurologist).

7. I always, from babyhood, had bowel problems. It stopped working for 9 weeks as a young woman, then many more times it stopped working for long periods. Eventually stopped altogether and had my whole large bowel removed. It showed hardly any nerve fibres or muscle along the intestine when examined later. This may mean they were never there ie. birth defect, but is also likely that the nerves and muscles were torn by the shaking – hence would have shrivelled and died.

PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL REACTIONS. When shouted at severely, shocked, or threatened I will go into the following state:

1. Shivering/shaking uncontrollably. I become SO COLD that I honestly feel like I am dead. Body temperature has dropped to dangerous levels when I have been like this. I can ‘hear’ screaming and loud shrieks of anger at this stage – (literally hear them as in a psychotic state). My ears literally hurt from the noise. My eyes feel like they are bulging out of my head and they literally become bloodshot. (This is consistent with severe shaking – the eyes often DO pop out and the baby dies -that explains the drop in body temperature too because I probably DID nearly die).

2. A sense of being thrown down from a great height on to a hard surface (psychiatrist thinks that after I was shaken I was probably thrown to the ground or into my cot). All my bones ACHE at this stage – I will ache from my head to my toes. No pain relief touches it. I feel like a rag doll thrown down.

3. A sense of TOTAL silence then comes upon me and I am hard to stir (my husband reports) although wide awake, eyes fixed open and ‘looking’ at a white ceiling. I ‘hear’ nothing even if he plays music etc. I feel totally alone, terrified, unable to speak, stiff – cannot move a muscle. I feel icy cold (this is consistent with being thrown on to floor or cot and then the parent (Mother) running from the room in shame and fear for what has happened – but in her rush she forgets to cover me over with a rug and I may lie in my cot uncovered for several hours until she plucks up courage to come back and check on me. (This is a very typical pattern parents in this situation do because they panic terribly).

4. A strong desire to be wrapped up in something soft (like a baby shawl), including over my head (as a tiny baby would be), and cuddled or soothed. I will also feel terribly nauseous and later hungry (having been left a long time alone without a feed). I remain SILENT. There is an absolute terror to remain silent.

5. I did not speak till I was three years old. The family decided to ignore me until I DID speak, and after a week I began to say perfectly constructed, full sentences with exact diction. I’d been an ‘elective mute’!!! Mum said it showed I was a real little monkey, but I suspect I was too afraid to speak. I was always a quiet and good child once I realized that I HAD to speak, Mum says.

ALL OF THESE REACTIONS ARE CONSISENT with current medical data about Shaken Baby Syndrome’s effects on the baby.

MOTHER’S ANECDOTAL STORY.

1. I was always a VERY quiet baby.

2. I never demanded a feed. She would find me awake often but I would never cry for a feed (as a normal baby at that age would) – just lie there and wait for someone to come to me.

3. Mother says she was very stressed by the older children when I was a baby (one 2 yrs – a “grizzly, clingy child” mother often says – and one 7 – a demanding child who did not accept the new baby so when she was around mother tried to ignore me) and a husband who was working long and unpredictable hours plus shift work. (Detectives do live like this).

4. I failed to thrive. VERY tiny still at 3 years old. Never ate well, spoke very late. Always a timid child and withdrawn socially.

5. Mother also says that I was always FRIGHTENED when I was cold. She says she could never understand why, and could not console me at times when I was feeling cold. I still get very frightened if I’m cold and will always try to keep warm. It’s not so much that I don’t LIKE the cold – it actually terrifies me.

Well, that about it. Lots of stuff here, isn’t there? The ‘evidence’ seems overwhelming to me. Interesting study is now being done on adults who had severe emotional, physical trauma and inadequate diet as infants and young children. It shows that adult health is also ALWAYS very poor – so the failure to thrive may in fact last a lifetime. (Up until recently it was considered to only affect babies and children, but I have a nurse involved in this study with Sudanese people, and there is enormous evidence of lifelong health issues in these people!)

In another email my client wrote:

‘My sinfulness of wanting ultimate power over those who have hurt me i.e. to MURDER them, is pretty strong!! Just as well I don’t act out my sinful state, eh? I have even thought that spending thirty years in jail would be worth it! (I would have all the time in the world to gloat over my final victory if I was in jail!). I have of course realised that God alone is the fairest and best judge and I am very content with that – however the devil certainly has tempted me and I often will dream about doing these awful things. Interesting thought too – how the devil tempts me through my dreams. Does this happen to most people? When I wake up I have to do a lot of telling the devil to get out of my mind, mostly by quoting Scripture (which Jesus did) etc. I think this is because during the day I am strongly vigilant to nip any such thought in the bud, as I recognise the immense dangers and immediately reject any notion.’

~~

So what’s a Christian approach to counselling?

Counselling is pure friendship, the exercise of unconditional love and ‘grace’, it’s the chance to off-load stuff that is weighing us down, to clarify/objectify issues that have ‘gone round in circles’ in our head. I’ve identified about sixteen ‘counselling philosophies’ (Freudian, Gestalt etc.)

and I’m somewhat eclectic, using insights from all of them. However, I’m fairly strongly ‘Glasserian’ (William Glasser’s book Reality Therapy is a guide to this way of thinking) – that is, I believe in our God-given ability to take charge of our life. (The more recent ‘Solution-focussed therapy is similar). What we do to life is more significant than what life does to us. I’m also strongly influenced by the women’s and men’s movements. For example, a lot of male problems go back to inadequate fathering or initiation into manhood. A lot of women’s problems go back to their non-affirmation by fathers etc. When I asked a forty-year old woman why she’d come on retreat she said ‘To rent a dad – the dad I never had!’

Here’s a summary of the ministry of counseling from an article on our website (http://jmm.org.au/articles/8541.htm) :

In one of his novels Somerset Maugham wrote this epitaph to some of the characters: ‘These folk had done nothing and when they died, it was just as if they had never been.” Christianity has always taught that the good deeds we have not done will damn us as much as the evil deeds we have done. What a waste – to have lived only one short life on this planet and to have lived it uselessly!

The greatest need in our time is not for preaching, nor for service on behalf of justice, nor for the experience of the Spirit’s gifts. The greatest need of our time is for koinonia – to love one another, and to offer our lives for the sake of those in need.

An understanding of Christian concern for others begins with the character of God. Ours is a ‘social God’, relating within the community of the Trinity, and, in the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, with the people on this planet. Jesus came with a mandate to preach, liberate and heal (Luke 4:18-19) and commissions his followers to do the same as he did (John 20:21). So the church, the body of Christ, does in its world what Jesus did in his: no more, no less. It adopts Jesus’ stance towards others: that of a servant. And it will be called into account at the Great Judgment relative to the presence or absence of ministries of compassion to those who need what we can give (Matthew 25:31-46).

‘Compassion’ comes from the Latin pati and cum – ‘to suffer with’. The church takes Jesus as its model for compassion. Twelve times in the gospels, Jesus or his Father-God are said to be ‘moved with compassion’ for worried and helpless people (for example Matthew 9:36). Our Lord sends his followers into the world to ‘be compassionate as your Father is compassionate’ (Luke 6:36).

How does compassion work? In the same way as God’s does: Jesus is sent into the world to be with us. He emptied himself and became a servant (Philippians 2). That gives us dignity: we must be worth a lot if he is willing to be our slave! He says to us: ‘I will be with you always until the end of the age’ (Matthew 28:20). We are not alone.

So compassion is more than sympathy – ‘feeling sorry’ for others. It’s not ‘pity’ for someone weak or inferior. Compassion is a ‘doing verb’ – relieving the pain of others, not just emoting about it. But it’s more than ‘helping the less fortunate’ – that’s elitist and paternalistic.

Compassion, says Matthew Fox, is the world’s richest energy source. A few days before his death, Rabbi and scholar Abraham Heschel said, ‘There is an old idea in Judaism that God suffers when we suffer… Even when a criminal is hanged in the gallows, God cries. God identifies himself with the misery on this earth. I can help God by reducing human suffering, human anguish and human misery’.

But there’s so much pain – where do I start? In the Matthew text describing Jesus’ compassion (9:35-38), our Lord then turns to his disciples and says ‘There’s so much to do, and so few do it, pray!’ First, pray! Prayer tunes us in to the heart of God. Prayer helps us focus on others and their needs. Prayer turns frustration and anger into hope. A by-product of prayer is peace, without which we will never act appropriately in an unjust world.

We are called, to use an image of Thomas Merton’s, motivated and empowered by the love of God to be involved in the sufferings of the world because it is the aim of God’s love to reset the broken bones of humanity…

But humanity’s brokenness is almost infinite. If a helper is not careful he or she will be ‘spattered all over the wall of needfulness’ as one therapist puts it. Shakespeare was right (in Measure for Measure): ‘Good counsellors lack no clients.’ An important habit for good counsellors is to find a time and a place each day, each week and each year for varying periods of solitude. Great people-helpers like Mother Teresa or Dom Helder Camara were great because of their disciplined private prayer. Have you ever noticed the remarkable statement in Luke 5:15-16: ‘Many crowds would gather to hear Jesus and be cured of their diseases. But he would withdraw to deserted places and pray’? Imagine that! The greatest healer of them all left people unhealed to get himself together alone in the presence of God. There’s an important lesson there for us.

Now let’s get practical. Here are some golden rules for people-helpers:

A caring friend is worth ten uncaring ‘professionals’: your help will make a difference! (But learn when you have moved beyond your expertise, and need to refer the other to a more skilled helper.)

You won’t ever be an ‘expert’ on people’s problems: a lifetime is too short to understand all that you should know about psychology and counselling.

A Christian counsellor has three roles – listening, befriending and ‘shepherding’. As a listener you hear, deeply, what the other is really saying – especially any agenda ‘behind the words’. As friend, you share your journey and your struggles – but only when you have earned that right and it is appropriate. A shepherd or pastor, with the proper authority and on the right occasion, may share biblical insights. The three roles are expressed as ‘I hear you saying…’, ‘I want to say…’. ‘God says…’ (‘what you think, what I think, what God thinks’). But don’t be ‘trigger-happy’ with Scripture: don’t use Bible texts as weapons (or as magic pills!).

And only rarely (and when you’re more experienced) give advice: you are not God; you might get sued these days if the advice is lethal; and the person must ‘own’ their growth and changes rather than depend on your ‘parenting’ them. Your aim is to encourage the counsellee to stand on his/her own two feet as soon as possible, without your constant support. Some people are actually best helped by being left alone (particularly those who ‘hug their hurts’ and who are constant attention-seekers.)

Feed back words and phrases that indicate you’re tracking with the counsellee: ‘You’re saying that…’ ‘What I hear is…’ ‘So you feel…’

Don’t be judgmental: never be shocked; accept the person totally, even if you can’t accept their behaviour. If something makes you very angry or anxious or fearful, there may be some unfinished business somewhere in your own life.

Watch for ‘transference’ (when someone dumps emotions on you that don’t belong to you) and ‘counter-transference’ (when you respond by getting emotionally ‘hooked’ by the counsellee.) Check with a counselling supervisor.

Beware the ‘redeemer complex’ – getting in deep with others’ problems to satisfy your own needs. Be ’empathetic’ rather than ‘sympathetic’. Sympathy may be a selfish emotion. If you’re getting too involved emotionally, or if you are sexually attracted to a counsellee you may have to refer to someone else.

What a person tells you in confidence must not be repeated to anyone else (except to an experienced supervisor with the counsellee’s consent.)

In a more formal counselling interview have some sort of understanding/contract/ covenant. I sometimes find myself saying to someone who’s never been to a counsellor, ‘Feel free to talk about anything: but you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. If I ask something you don’t want to explore, you can simply “pass”. I may not be the best person to help: but I’ll tell you when I can’t and when someone else might have different skills or insights’. (Incidentally, after about 17 thousand hours of pastoral counselling, this helper can’t remember anyone ‘passing’.)

Generally, experienced counsellors find the ‘fifty-minute hour’ best: most of the healing in therapy happens between sessions.

As a general rule, I would not advise counselling someone of the opposite sex – or one to whom you might be sexually attracted – alone: have someone else ‘around’ (in the next room, or with you as a co-counsellor.)

Pray for (and, if appropriate, with) your friend.

Finish every session on a realistically hopeful note.

Above all, become a whole person yourself. Get in touch with your feelings, your ‘scripting’, your motivations, your sexuality, your besetting sins. Ideally, see a spiritual director regularly. Get to know God. Learn to grow into the sort of spiritual maturity that is less and less affected by praise or blame: the less you expect, the less you’ll be disappointed (saints expect nothing – or anything – and are rarely disappointed.)

One psychotherapist summarises the marks of a ‘therapeutic therapist’ as follows: they have found their own way; possess self-respect and self-appreciation; are able to be powerful; are open to change; are expanding their awareness of self and others; are willing and able to tolerate ambiguity; have an identity; are capable of nonpossessive empathy… They are alive! They are authentic, real, congruent, sincere, and honest; are able to give and receive love; live in the present; make mistakes and are willing to admit them; are able to become deeply involved in their work and their creative projects; are able to reinvent themselves; have the ability to be emotionally present for others; are in the process of making choices that shape their life; challenge unreasonable assumptions rather than submitting to them; and have a sincere interest in the welfare of others. (Gerald Corey, Theory and Practice of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Monterey, California: Brooks/Cole, 1982, pp. 269-71)

If had to summarize the essence of counseling from the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman it would include the following:

1. First a warning: Jesus knew that she’d had 5 husbands and the 6th was ‘on lay-by’. This is what is called ‘a word of knowledge.’ Strong suggestion: don’t you ever claim or pretend to have a ‘word of knowledge’ about someone unless the church has confirmed that you have a proven gift in that area. I’ve talked with dozens of ‘victims’ of false ‘words of knowledge.’

2. Always remember that behind every sad story there are layers of grief and pain. This woman liked men, and her moral life was the joke of the community. She defended herself and discredited herself at the same time. And there was always someone to take advantage of her need. We are left to imagine the kind of domestic abuse she endured. the brutality, rejection, insecurity, isolation and shame this woman experienced. She must have been an attractive woman – and yet a very needy person looking for intimacy and significance. She was a woman who was seeking deeper things, but in all the wrong places. So we will be slow to judge another: we haven’t experienced all their hardships.

3. You don’t begin a genuine conversation with theology, but with a life-situation. People are not asking many theological questions these days, but they want to know how to cope, how to succeed, how to get through life on a grey day. I don’t think the questions ‘Do you know you’ll be going to heaven when you die?’ or ‘Do you go to church?’ or ‘Do you believe in God?’ are generally appropriate openers either. Let’s take a lesson from Jesus in all this.

4. Treat the other person with respect – even across cultural or other divides. This woman would never have received the kind of attentive interest from a man than she received from Jesus.

5. When the counsellee wants to guide the conversation, flow with that. When the woman switched topics about worship here-or-there, Jesus responded to her ideas.

6. Treat your friend with respect: this is the only person in the Gospel records to whom Jesus talked about the highest human activity – worship.

7. Good counselling addresses the core issues of a person’s life: for this woman it was her relationships with men. (But underneath all that, what family-of-origin stuff was she carrying?).

8. Rollo May (The Art of Counselling) says every counselling session should offer a gift of hope – living water!

9. The key to all ‘healing encouragement’ is grace. When she found out that Jesus knew the worst about her but treated her still with honour and respect it changed her life. Such gifts of grace are still life-changing!

10. Effective counselling may see a person experience relief and joy: this woman, instead of hiding from people, sought them out. But counselling may also open up more wounds (the only way out of pain is through pain). Or, maybe, a determination to ‘carry on regardless’.

I recently had a woman visit for a two-day retreat. Yesterday she emailed me about her progress:

I am coming to the conclusion that God is doing something in my life but it is so very subtle that it takes me a while to actually see it. Three years ago when I came to see you for a single session, I came away really feeling the father thing that had been such a deficit in my life. This time I’m not clear what I felt except that at 53 I have to be past that, accept the fact that I simply didn’t have a good father in my life and the dreadful, toxic residue he left in my life has to be face head on by me and only me. We are so accountable for our own journey. Amidst the busyness and stress of the last year, I hope I can remember that MY journey is of value and worth. This really is a matter of self esteem which is, indeed, my lifelong battle with depression. I am a fighter so I guess I’ll keep on, as hard as it gets sometimes.

So may you live – and help others to grow – all the days of your life!

Concluding Prayer

Lord, make us instruments of your peace; where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy (Adapted from The Prayer of St Francis)

Help us, Lord, to be helpful to those who are falling by the way. Strengthen us, Lord, so that we may be agents of healing for others. Make us whole, so that, understanding who we are, we might be authentic helpers of others who are struggling to find their identity, or searching for life’s meaning. Through Christ our Saviour, Healer and Forgiver. Amen.

A Benediction: Now to the one who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to God be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Based on Ephesians 3:20-21). Amen.

Rowland Croucher. September 2004