Who’d be a vicar?

The priesthood is not an easy option, says John Crace – but the free hotline to heaven can come in useful

Saturday January 28, 2006 The Guardian

In strict theological terms, the priesthood is a calling, not a career. It’s God who does the choosing, not you. But then all sorts of people have hidden behind the catch-all “God’s will” to justify behaviour that only a truly twisted deity could sanction. So, if you allow an element of free will into the deterministic equation, then becoming a vicar begins to resemble many other careers. As with most jobs, there is a delineated career structure. You start off as a curate/apprentice before getting your own parish or joining a team ministry two or three years later. The route to preferment thereafter is somewhat murky with the various titles of dean, deacon and archdeacon on offer. But generally it involves coming to the notice of your bishop through a combination of willingness to take on more administrative duties and sounding knowledgeable on matters of faith. If you get very lucky you might eventually end up as a suffragan bishop, bishop or even archbishop.

The parallels with the secular world do not end here, and this may prove a problem for those whose attachment to the job is primarily spiritual. For it is undoubtedly true that it is those clergy with the biggest egos and the greatest fondness for ritual who tend to get noticed. Catch a vicar in an unguarded moment and the chances are he’ll mutter darkly about the political chicanery and back-stabbing to be found in every cathedral chapter house. So, don’t expect a life of peace, love and mutual understanding just because you’re a person of the cloth. It also goes without saying that a glass ceiling operates at boardroom level. Women may now be allowed to become vicars but they are prevented from becoming bishops. There again, most women with any taste wouldn’t be seen dead in that much purple. But at least the pay – if you can call it that – for priests is the same for both sexes, though a starting salary of just £17,000 is likely to deter all but the most devout.

The terms and conditions are similarly regressive. As an “Office Holder” you have few, if any, rights of employment and you can be kicked out of your job at any time on the bishop’s say-so.

The good news, though, is that once a vicar, you are largely free to run your parish as you see fit and your role is likely to be as much social worker as spiritual guide. You will also find that, while you may be an irrelevance to 90% of your parishioners, you are a central figure in the lives of the other 10%. With a hotline to heaven thrown in, that’s not something to be sniffed at.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,,1696509,00.html