(~) LAYING DOWN ONES LIFE

A Confirmation Sunday Sermon by Thomas R. Henry

May 21, 2006

Text: John 15:9-13

To the Confirmation Class of 2006 and the Congregation of St. Pauls:

My best friend in high school is today a Lutheran minister in Minnesota. My best friend in college is now the head of the chemistry department at a college in Ohio. We dont keep in contact anymore, but I will always remember them. Both of them laid down their lives for me. Not in the ultimate sense, no. They are still very much alive. But they laid down their lives at a couple of times, when it would have been far easier, far better, for them to hook up with their other friends and to leave me alone. They didnt. They were there for me through it all.

In high school it began the day I woke up to hear the news that my 17 year old cousin had gone on a rampage, killing his girlfriends parents because they did not want him to date their daughter. And that he himself had been shot to death by the police. My family lived in a small town. So, by the time I got to school everyone had heard the news and everyone knew he was my cousin. Well, you can imagine how parents might caution their kids to keep their distance from someone tainted by a family scandal. But my best friend stayed close, ran interference, and interpreted my feelings. Even though his parents were quite proper and not supportive of his decision. And his other friends were only too glad to gossip. He himself took some of the hits. He laid down his life by standing up for me.

In college, it was the time when I was put on disciplinary probation for breaking raw eggs over the head of the guy who tried to pull off my skirt in the cafeteria. But thats another story for another time.(See footnote **.) The college caper does not compare to the high school tragedy by any means, but in both cases, I could have been very alone. I was not. Because of a friend.

The Buddha defined a friend as one who “guards you when you are off your guard and does not forsake you in trouble; (one who) restrains you from doing wrong; and enjoins you to do right…” Aristotle laid out the need for friends when he wrote: : “We need friends when we are young to keep us from error; when we get old to carry out those plans which we have not the strength to execute ourselves; and in the prime of life to help us in doing noble deeds.”And Jesus told his followers: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. There is no greater love than this, (than) to lay down ones life for ones friends.”

I really like what both the Buddha and Aristotle have to say about friends. There is a good feeling about their definitions of friendship. But Jesus, Jesus makes it really tough on all of us. Both my high school and college experiences pale by comparison to what Jesus did for his friends. My experiences are the most basic of what Jesus expects out of friendship: the willingness to literally lay down ones life for someone else.

Who is my friend? We ask ourselves that question many times over as we go through life. In high school, especially, we ask that question almost every day: Who is my friend? Who are my friends? The answers to those questions sometimes seem to change by the day. But there is a another question. A more important question. A question we often prefer not to ask, even as adults. It is this: How am I being a friend? Being a friend requires more than just being acquainted with people. Yet, thats how we sometimes use the word, and thats often the extent of some peoples friendships. They wouldnt even think of laying down their lives. They wouldnt risk their lives or even their livelihood for anyone. As both Amina Jaji and Niels Peterson said in their Youth Sunday sermons a few weeks ago, some people actually believe that life is all about them and that they can live just for themselves.

In the Bible, depending upon the context in which it is used, the Hebrew word that is most often translated into English as “friend” is sometimes translated as “neighbor.” In the Jewish culture of Jesus day, a neighbor was anyone who was not a blood relative or an enemy; someone who was within the Jewish community but not of ones immediate family. (We can understand that. Just imagine how hard it would be to “love your neighbor as yourself” if you had to consider your very annoying brother or sister as your neighbor.)

As Jesus did with many things, he pushed the limits of what it means to be a neighbor. Jesus extended the neighborly relationship to those outside the Jewish community with his telling of the Parable of the Good Samaritan. You know, the one about the man who gets beaten and robbed and is left to die. And a couple of the good people pass by him on the other side, but the Samaritan stops and takes care of him. Well, the Samaritans were outcasts, despised by the community. In the parable, like a good neighbor, the Samaritan was there. In order to fully understand this parable, you and I have to think about who the Samaritan would be for us today. Take a look at your life. Read the news. Fill in the blank. In this years Confirmation Class Newsletter, one of the confirmands describes the Good Samaritan as “a prostitute on her way to an appointment.” So, there you go.

Jesus also pushed the limits on the meaning of friend when he said: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” As I have loved you. As he has loved us. Laying down his life. Making the ultimate sacrifice. Now, that is kind of a scary thing to think about. And some of you parents may be saying to yourselves: What is he telling my kids to do? Lay down their lives for their friends? Well, yes, but with the understanding of friendship that Jesus had, that Buddha had, that Aristotle had. That doesnt mean throwing your life away. It doesnt mean jumping off a cliff just because everyone else is doing it (a parents proverbial reprimand), or using drugs in order to keep a friendship. Laying down your life for a friend is doing what Aristotle wrote and the Buddha said and Jesus did. Aristotle wrote: a friend is one “who keeps us from error.” Buddha said: “A friend is one who guards you when you are off guard,…who restrains you from doing wrong and enjoins you to do right.” And Jesus laid down his life to save the lives of others; to save the lives of those he thought of as friends, even though they may have had no idea that they were friends of his. The apostle Paul spelled out the meaning of friendship for Jesus when he wrote: “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That is really pushing the limits of friendship. Before we are friends of God, God is our friend to the end.

As I listened to our eight confirmands present their projects and as I read what they said in the Confirmation Class Newsletter, I know they have heard this message. Hannah made the ten commandments positive for her life. Mary expanded her friendships by offering her talent. Kelsi learned here at St. Pauls that friendship is inclusive, not exclusive. And Kevin raised important questions about making a commitment to someone or something. Emily expanded upon the meaning of a good neighbor, and KC had her eyes opened by the love of the family she worked with on the mission trip. Courtney learned that when Jesus called us all friends he opened up a personal relationship for us with God. And Jack discovered that sometimes bad things happening are wake-up calls to get us back on the right track.

They have been taught by Marcia, Char and Tony to love one another; to love their neighbors and to love themselves. They have been taught what it means to be a friend as Jesus defined friendship with his life. Certainly you can say that neither of my friendship stories, from high school or college, measures up to the way that Jesus laid down his life for his friends. And that would be true. But I believe that if we are faithful in small things, we will be faithful in big things. Jesus said something about that, too. We may never find ourselves having to run back into a burning building to save someone. Or running into a busy street to keep someone from being hit by a car. But we may some day face a kind of crucifixion because we choose to be a friend, a neighbor, to those who our own circle of acquaintances or the wider society considers not worthy of love or even just treatment. Laying down our lives is a personal decision that has spiritual, political, theological, and societal implications.

If it is true that crisis moments reveal character, rather than build character, then doing small things to save a friend, like standing by them when others keep their distance or guarding them when they are off guard, may well reveal what we would do if called upon to lay down our lives in far greater ways. When Jesus told his followers to love others as he loved them, he was revealing the character of God, greatly expanding the meaning of friendship, and welcoming the world into his neighborhood.

From what I have heard from you who are joining the church today and from what I have read of what you have written, I think you know that and I pray that you will find the strength to live that.

OK. The college story of the skirt and the eggs. Well, that had to do with a college social club. Ill include that story as a footnote in the email and hard copy versions of this sermon. If you really want to know:

**FOOTNOTE TO SERMON: It was pledge week for one of the social clubs on my college campus, and I was one of the pledges. We were required to go to dinner one night in skirts, carrying a raw egg in each hand. As I walked by a guy in the cafeteria, he reached out and tried to pull off my skirt. In order to try to keep my skirt on, I had to let go of the eggs in some way, so I chose to crack the eggs over his head.. It was all pretty humiliating since this was a Christian college after all. The skirt thing was bad enough, but the egg breaking was over the top. Of course, all the popular people went to the defense of the guy who did the skirt pulling. He was the captain of the football team and the son of the dean of the college. My friend, who was also very popular, did not abandon me for them. My friend let me know privately that I had been impulsive and should have restrained myself, but he didnt abandon me. And he lost “friends” because of that.