‘Bullying Clergy’ is a problem that is not being addressed because often our denominations do not know how to handle it.

I wrote to my denomination, suggesting that we identify how we can support Pastors and their families who have suffered Spiritual abuse in their local church. I offered that we need to appoint a group of people that would specifically minister to Pastors offering them appropriate support networks, recommend counselling and offer prayer, with even a time for a cuppa and a hug together.

One of the reasons I suggested to appoint another group to deal with this Pastoral bullying issue was that our State Leadership are too busy to deal adequately with these problems and are required to be unbiased when dealing with church problems anyhow.

The difficulty with this is that our poor Pastors don’t get the personal support they need and often feel abandoned not only by their church but the umbrella organisation.

My family have personally experienced bullying, lies, slander and threats to “stop paying tithes”, so that we would have to leave.

I have also witnessed women in Pastoral leadership not being paid the full recommended stipend just because they are “a woman” even though accredited.

From my personal experience I have observed that bullying and emotional abuse comes through powerful people in church leadership that are there for the wrong reasons. I agree with this statement, “The abusers are usually those who would be seen as pillars of the church, though they may not hold official roles. “They are in power positions because of a long connection with the church, or their forebears gave money, or they did. So people stand back and let them take over.” But my experience has shown that usually these power players usually hold a leadership position in the church. (Elder, Deacon, Treasurer, Secretary or Ministry Leader)

These leaders become so strong that even the membership (who rightly holds the power in the vote to pull them out of office), feel that they cannot have a say without being bullied themselves.

Over the years, I have been in members meetings where these bully leaders when questioned or made to give an account have counted by intimidation;

a.. raised voice,

b.. threats to step down from their position

c.. accusing members of questioning their integrity,

d.. dismissing their questions as foolish or ridiculous

e.. resigning on the spot (and reinstating themselves later on that same week) (This has happened in 2 churches that I know of.)

f.. Threatening that if they are not free to move ahead in “their way”, the church will have to find its own way by itself. (Often they have held office for so long that they have tweaked the role so that no one feels confident to ever fill the position, so they continue to re-elect the same people to office) I believe the answer to this one is that all our Church constitutions (if we have one) should include that those who hold office do so for a period of 3 years with the possibility of another 3 years of term and then after that they must come off for a period of at least 1 year. This allows for fresh vision, new ideas, releasing others into leadership.

g.. Threats to leave the church and take many members with them Often I see the members either bow to the bullying or leave the church. In both cases the power leaders win.

As for the Pastors, they come out with their integrity in tatters or they leave quietly (but damaged and exhausted).

Bullying the Pastor includes things like;

a.. harsh and rude emails to the Pastor

b.. abusive and threatening telephone calls

c.. private meetings designed to bring accusations against the Pastor

d.. Using Bible studies and prayer meetings as excuses to pull the Pastor down to other members

e.. Letters against the Pastor to adherents and people outside of the church congregation

f.. Letters or phonecalls against the Pastor to the Denomination.

g.. Questioning the stipend and “what a good wicket” the Pastor is on. (questioning if he deserves the pay)

h.. Holding leadership meetings without the Pastor’s knowledge or while he/she is holidaying or absent.

i.. Telling the Pastor that this is not his church and that Pastors “come and go”.

j.. Rumours about the Pastor’s family (untruths and exaggerations)

k.. Coming to the Pastors home and abusing, threatening even physically abusing him.

l.. Ignoring the Pastor and family

m.. Blatantly disagreeing with the Pastors teaching or directive in meetings or even in the church services in front of the congregation.

Sometimes members are unaware of the bullying of their Pastor as it is usually played out behind closed doors without witnesses.

This is difficult for the Pastor because it becomes his word against their’s. By the time things do surface, the web is so tangled that it is hard to discern the truth.

The Pastor wanting to restore peace and not cause a split, allows the arrows of spite, lies and bitterness to fall on him. All he can do is leave, try to keep his grace intact, refrain from pulling down the other party lest he become like them, pray for a forgiving heart and learn to move on knowing he may never be vindicated.

It’s an ugly business, and I believe damages not only the Pastor and his family, but the church and the power leaders concerned. It’s a no-win situation.

I would like to be included in any further discussion on this subject and congratulate you on drawing this to our attention.

_ _ _ _ (Pastor’s wife)