Peter J Frost. Toxic Emotions at Work: How Compassionate Managers Handle Pain and Conflict. Boston, Mass: Harvard Business School, 2003.

Peter Frost suggests that emotional pain is unavoidable at work, but how organisations respond to pain is critical. He explores how organisations and people handle emotional pain, how it affects performance, and what can be done to alleviate pain and stop it becoming toxic. “Toxin-handlers”, usually self-appointed, have a crucial role, but this can have a toll on their health. They need recognition and support, space to do their work, and others to share the load.

Some of the practical suggestions I picked up in the book included:

– take 24 hours off before addressing heated topics (p.29)

– beware that mulling over negativity and pessimism can actually decrease your health (p.94)

– we all need an ‘oscillation’ of work and rest (oh derr). High performance athletes realise they need to build in breaks and to build up their reserves. Loehr and Schwartz’s model for high performance (in sport or executive life) includes energy renewal after energy expenditure: “The real enemy of high performance is not stress …. rather, the problem is the absenceof disciplined, intermittent recovery.” (p.110)

– Physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health are interconnected. People who exercise sleep more soundly and reach deep sleep cycles faster and think sharper when awake than people who don’t exercise. (p.113)

– The healthiest toxin handlers help others without taking responsibility for what the people in pain do with the advice and help offered. A Zen story tells of two monks who were travelling together in a heavy downpour who came upon a woman who was having trouble corssing a river. “Come on”, said the first monk to the woman, and her carried her in his arms across a shallow part of the river. The monks continued on their journey. The second monk didn’t say anything until much later. Then he couldn’t contain himself anymore. “We monks don’t go near females, why did you do that?” “I left the woman back there,” the first monk replied. “Are you still carrying her?” The story reminds us that emotional attachment to an idea or judgment can weigh us down. Let it go! (p.118-119)

– Keep your head where your feet are. (p.125) One VP models balance with this concept: “Right from the start, I was incredibly vocal about work/life balance. I am at work for as long as I need to be to get teh job done. My balance comes from making sure that I am work because I am adding value and not to fill hours or be “seen”. In addition, I live by the rule of keeping my head where my feet are. In other words when at home I do not think about work and visa versa. This strategy keeps me sharp, focused, interested and loving my job.” (p.176) This encouraged me to consider working more at the library and less on my dining room table.

– University of British Columbia Daniel Starlicki (and others) wrote “What gets rewarded gets done”. So celebrate and reward compassion (and whatever else you want done, e.g. integrating faith and teh workplace). (p.154)

The book doesn’t try to avoid emotional pain. In fact it assumes that will exist in any organisation trying to do something productive. But it gives some good principles for how to deal with it and how to help people care for one another in the midst of pain. Can you think of any organisations where this might be helpful???!!!

Darren Cronshaw