(Here’s a fairly common sort of list… Find the absurdities in these absurdities. Rowland).

Biblical Absurdities

Compiled by Donald Morgan

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GE 1:3-5, 14-19 There was light (“night and day”) before there was a sun. (Note: If there were no sun, there would be no night or day. Also, light from the newly created heavenly bodies seems to have reached the earth instantaneously though it now takes thousands or millions of years.)

GE 1:12, 16 Plants began to grow before there was sunlight.

GE 1:29 Every plant and tree which yield seed are given to us by God as good to eat. (Note: This would include poisonous plants such as hemlock, buckeye pod, nightshade, oleander.)

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GE 6:4 There were giants on the earth at one time. (Note: No evidence exists to supports this assertion.)

GE 6:5 God is unhappy with the wickedness of man and decides to flood the earth to eliminate mankind. All living things including plants, animals, women and innocent children are also exterminated. (Note: This is like burning down a house to rid it of mice.)

GE 6:15 The size of Noah’s Ark was such that there would be about one and a half cubic feet for each pair of the 2,000,000 to 5,000,000 species to be taken aboard.

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GE 9:12-16 God first creates the rainbow. (Note: Apparently the laws having to do with refraction of light were null and void prior to this time.)

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EX 28:34-35 Entering the holy place without wearing bells can result in death.

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LE 11:6 (States, incorrectly, that the rabbit, or hare, chews its cud.)

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NU 22:21-30 A donkey sees an angel, recognizes it as such, and then speaks in human language (presumably Hebrew) to his master.

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JS 10:12-14 God obliges Joshua by making the sun and moon stand still (so that he can finish his battle by daylight).

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JG 16:17-22 Samson loses his strength as a result of having his head shaved. (Note: This is not psychosomatic since he began to lose his strength while he was still asleep.)

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2KI 6:5-7 An iron axe head “swims” (or floats).

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2KI 16:2, 20, 18:1-2 Ahaz was thirty-six years old when he died. His twenty-five year old son Hezekiah succeeded him. Thus Ahaz was a ten or eleven year old father.

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2KI 20:11 The shadow on a sun dial moves backwards.

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ES 6:6, JB 19:27, PS 7:9, 16:7, 73:21, PR 23:7, 16, IS 10:7, JE 11:20, 17:10, 20:12, MT 9:4, LK 2:19, 9:47, AC 8:22, RO 10:9-10, HE 4:12, RE 2:23 (See KJV especially.) Thought occurs in the heart. The kidneys (“reins”) are the seat of conscience.(Note: This is not merely a poetic use of these terms, as is now claimed. In early times, it was actually believed that various body organs other than the brain were responsible for our thoughts, feelings, actions and the like. The heart was believed to be the seat of thought processes and beliefs, while the kidneys were thought to be the seat of conscience.)

JB 9:6 (KJV) God shakes the earth out of its place and makes its pillars tremble.

JB 9:7 God can make the sun not rise and seal up the stars.

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PS 58:8 Slugs and/or snails melt as they move.

PS 121:6 It is apparently possible to suffer moonstroke as well as sunstroke.

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IS 30:26 The moon will someday be as bright as the sun now is. (Note: Until relatively recent times, the moon and the planets were thought to give off their own light.)

IS 38:8 The shadow of the Sun is made to move backwards.

IS 40:22 The earth is a circle. (Note: The earth is really a sphere, not a circle, and this verse does not imply a sphere as some believers like to infer.)

JE 20:7, EZ 14:9 Jeremiah says that the Lord deceived his own prophet. God himself says that he deceives his own prophets in order to get rid of them.

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AM 8:9 The Sun will be made to set at noon in “clear day.”

MT 4:8 There is a high mountain from which all the kingdoms of the world can be seen. (Note: This implies a flat earth.)

MT 4:23-24, 9:32-33, 12:22, 17:14-18, MK 1:23-26, 32-34, 5:2-16, 9:17-29, 16:9, LK 11:14, 4:33-35, 8:2, 27-36, 9:38-42, AC 8:7, 16:16-18 Both physical and mental Illness are caused by demon possession and can be cured by exorcism.

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MT 24:29-30 Although the sun and the moon have been darkened and the stars have fallen from heaven, there is still enough light to see.

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MK 11:12-14, 20-21 Jesus curses a fig tree for not bearing fruit out of season. (Note: Rather than cause the fig tree to wither and to bear fruit never again, he could have performed a miracle and made it bear fruit even out of season.)

MK 16:17-18 Those who believe are able to handle snakes and drink any deadly poison without suffering harm.

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LK 22:28-30 Jesus assigns each of his twelve disciples (including Judas, his betrayer) a place (or throne) in his kingdom.

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RO 10:17-18, CN 1:23 The gospel had already been preached to every living creature even in Paul’s time.

2CO 12:2 There are at least three heavens.

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TS 1:12 “One of themselves, even a prophet of their own, said, The Cretians are alway liars ….” (Figure the logic of this verse.)

HE 7:1-3 Melchizedek had no mother or father, no beginning or end.

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RE 21:16 The city of New Jerusalem (where the residents of heaven reside) is only about 1500 miles square.

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from http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/donald_morgan/absurd.html