ABUSIVE BEHAVIOURS AT THE ‘MILDER’ END OF THE SPECTRUM

Here are some examples from JMM’s counselling – either personally done/experienced by our clients, or by others.

Important note: some of these are not ‘mildly received’ by clients/parishioners who’ve been victims of earlier serious abuse.

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Pastor who ‘affectionately’ patted certain women’s behinds

Pastor who suggested he get into the marital bed with a couple to pray for healing of their marriage and sexual problems

Elder who was an usher, and hugged all the women who came down his aisle (all the regulars went down the other aisle)

Counsellor who would stroke the client’s hand or arm while praying for them

Pastor with marital/sexual problems who would tell older women about them: usually introducing the subject himself

Pastor who kissed a married woman on the lips: when she demurred, he protested ‘But you’re my sister in Christ’

Lonely single woman asked pastor if she could adopt him as a Dad and sit on his knee: to which he agreed

Hugs by men of women (and sometimes vice versa) when there is no invitation to hug. Especially serious: front-on hugs (rather than A-frame or side-on)

Youth pastor who stripped to his underpants and dived into a young woman’s backyard swimming pool

Talking with persons to whom one might be sexually attracted alone behind a closed door (this of course refers to potential heterosexual or homosexual attraction)

Pastor who stared at a buxom woman’s bust, to whom she reminded: ‘I’m up here!’

Prurient questions in counselling about another’s sexual life or body-image, when the subject is not necessarily raised by the counsellee, nor is the particular information necessary for wholistic counselling

A pastor was the neighbourhood’s peeping tom

Another pastor, when enjoying sex, could be heard five houses away

Solo sexual misconduct: eg. Masturbating while watching Internet porn

Telling inappropriate stories to a parishioner in the context of ‘mutual confession’

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Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher

http://jmm.org.au/