Part 4
BLACKBURN BAPTIST CHURCH
*** I had only four regrets leaving BBC. We should have bought the property between our site and Canterbury Road: several acres for future development. We made the mistake of giving the congregation and pros and cons of the purchase instead of providing a firm lead from the top! Subsequently the church paid something in the order of $13 million to relocate and build – on an excellent site in Burwood East. The second regret: I should have been more committed to leading the congregation into an Open Membership position. A few outspoken ‘heavies’ were against it. See the article on our website for my position on this question. The third: I would have liked a woman to be added to the pastoral team, but one of our senior pastors (Rev. Tom Keyte) vetoed my suggestion. The fourth, and more serious regret, was that in those heady days I said yes to too many interesting committees and projects and ministries, and should have been more present for our two eldest children. The pain continues – in them and in Jan and me – to this day…
Here’s a sample of the kinds of emails/letters I’ve received from many people over the years, during and after our time at ‘BBC’. I’ve reproduced it here with the writer’s permission, but decided to remove names and a few other identifying details.
Dear Rowland,
I don’t know if you’ll remember me or my family … but I wanted to write and say thanks for all you did for us many, many years ago.
My name is _ _ _ _ .
My mother _ _ _ _ joined Blackburn Baptist back in the late 70s – early 80s after my father, who was pastoring _ _ _ _ , resigned the church and took up with another woman.
You and your wife were incredible to my mother and her three children (_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ).
As I recall, the church gave my mother a loan to purchase a house with a ridiculously low interest rate of something like 2%. I remember being at your home fairly regularly for meals. The church was wonderful and we loved being part of it. Mum was part of a great cell group – led by the Costellos.
In short, Blackburn Baptist, in those days and under your leadership, with its love and generosity … saved our lives!
Mum remarried (_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ) while at Blackburn. They are still happily married and living in Brisbane where they attend an AOG church.
I became a journalist with Brisbane’s Courier Mail before taking up a position as youth pastor with an AOG Church. I am currently Senior Associate Pastor at _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .
_ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ are both living in Melbourne and attending an AOG church.
Anyway … it’s been many years since we were at Blackburn under your leadership, but we still talk of those days and the love and grace you showed our family at an incredibly difficult time. I just wanted to say thanks.
~~
Second email:
Hi Rowland,
Yeah, if you wish to publish the email, that’s fine.
Dad is on his third marriage!
Actually, his third wife is lovely and I’m very pleased that he seems to have found great happiness in that relationship.
He keeps a Bible by his bed and would still say that he is a Christian. But he certainly isn’t attending a church anywhere.
Ironically, his wife is very soft towards the things of God. I have no doubt that at some stage they will both make a commitment to the Lord.
I often marvel at the fact that our family (mum, myself and my sisters) are all passionate about God and very much in love with the church. I look back and think how easy it would have been for us to become extremely cynical about church and the ministry. But we love it … and I’m certain that it is in no small part due to the wonderful love and support we received from Blackburn when my parent’s marriage broke up.
Kind Regards,
[Name withheld]
~~~~
Another:
I’ll always remember the way you treated me with respect when I was a young teenager, always had time for my thoughts and ideas, it was very valuable to me. For some reason, I also have a memory of my sister lending you a copy of Dostoevsky’s ‘The Idiot’. Perhaps it represented a broader view of the world to me, I’m not sure.
I’m no longer part of the Australian Baptist or christian world…
[Name withheld]
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH VANCOUVER/FULLER SEMINARY
A young man came before the Board of that church to tell them of his call to full-time pastoral ministry. ‘I put my heart and soul into that presentation,’ he told me. ‘My whole life was on the line. It was a very emotional and spiritually-charged thing for me. And when I poured out my heart to them, what was the response? They all looked at me. No one said anything. No response. Can you believe that?’ Yes, my friend, I can.
Recently in the U.S. I talked with an American church leader who’d spent some years in local church ministry in Canada. He was forthright, and scathing about the ‘Canadian ethos’: ‘Canadians are adept self-deceivers. The are hidebound and into hierarchies. They don’t know when they’re not telling the truth. The country has very few entrepreneurs. The theological diversity of the U.S. has passed Canada by: very few seminaries in Canada are committed to diversity: they are mostly ideologically-driven. Canadian Baptists – both major groups – stopped their momentum about 1965.’
When I get time I’ll write here about the most painful experience of my ministry-vocation – 1981-2 in Vancouver…
WORLD VISION
I don’t know why this just came to mind: I only know nine people (6 males and 3 females) who found it difficult to work with me. Interesting, all the males were short (I’m tall); four of them were work colleagues, two were parishioners. The three females… (how can I put this?) I judge had personal expectations for me which I could/did not fulfil…
JOHN MARK MINISTRIES
We began – about six church/denominational leaders – on April Fool’s Day, 1991. We had no money in the bank, no promise of money from anyone, my executive car (sounds grand, but it was the cheapest family car you could buy) and some books donated by World Vision, and a vision for helping hurting pastors and ex-pastors and their spouses…
SENIOR YEARS
I’m 64 this year: is that old or young? I run up stairs, spend a couple of hours a day on the computer, and surf the Net, change my mind from time to time when new information comes along (like using non-sexist language); try to read or learn something new each year – I guess that’s ‘young’. But when I look in the mirror I sometimes see my father; a few joints don’t work properly; I hate instruction manuals or fixing things; some 40-year-old counselees relate to me as ‘the father they never had’; I know who BiggIes is; I’m ready to die because I’ve achieved many of my life’s goals – these mean I’m probably ‘old’. (However as Rabbi Tarphan wisely said, ‘It is not necessary for you to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it’).
These days, I nap most afternoons, give away more than I hoard, still don’t enjoy the telephone, and am looking forward to spending a couple of months’ long-service leave (Jan’s; I’ve never stayed long enough in one ministry to earn it!).
There’s an interesting German word ‘Alterszorn’. It means the ‘rage of age’, and refers to the habit of some older people to go over the polemical edge. I can relate to that.
COUNTDOWN TO RETIREMENT
I gave an address last year to a ‘Preparing for Retirement’ seminar. (See the five articles written for The International Year of the Older Person on JMM’s website for the substance of what I said). As part of the talk I listed all the reasons why I’m happy to be in my sixties:
* These days I can sit and look at the trees and the birds without thinking I should be ‘doing’ something. I can relax with a clear conscience
* I’ve achieved most of my life goals
* Although we had a $90,000 mortgage my wife and I for the first time in our lives are saving a little
* Our sex life has been sorted out
* I don’t mind doing a few chores
* My wife and I know who has the veto where in our relationship. She has veto power in the kitchen, and anything to do with colour schemes for house or car; I’ve forgotten where my veto lies 🙂
* Our grandchildren are a joy to us; it’s good that they’re someone else’s ultimate responsibility
* I don’t need recognition anymore (I sometimes switch off during fullsome introductions); I’ve nothing to prove anymore (which is one reason I don’t bother answering rude Internet newsgroup posters)
* I have time to pray and read (and read a few inconsequential books, like one I’m into at the moment titled ‘How to Be a Man’: watch for my review of it)
* I try to learn a new skill every year: mastering a few corners of the ‘Net has occupied the last five years!
* Ours is a five-minutes-a-month garden (euphemistically called an ‘Australian native garden’); I enjoy that
* I’ve found myself enjoying talking to strangers for the first time in my life; most years I’ve been ‘peopled out’
* It’s nice to be home most nights
* I don’t have so many ‘accidents’ or make so many mistakes (that I’m aware of)
* It’s nice to be on one committee only: our John Mark Ministries Board, which meets about three times a year
* I know my limitations (I think)
* I think I know how the Devil gets to me and how to thwart him/her
* I don’t worry about ‘image’ any more; my wife often suggests what to wear; and anyone want a sick 1970 Holden Torana car? [Update: We gave it away and I sold my F. W. Boreham collection to buy a new car].
* I can say/write what I think, and hopefully communicate with humour and love and wisdom; I don’t need to score points against anyone anymore (unless they’re part of an unjust system)
* I’ve realized that success will feed your ego, but never your soul
* I think I know what can be changed and what can’t
* I’m toying with setting a couple of new goals – like entering the veterans’ Olympics (I reckon I could run faster than most of them!)
* Last week I enjoyed beating my Freecell best-score with a 100-game winning streak. (If you don’t know what Freecell is you’re probably better off – more time for other things. OTOH if you want to chase it through the search engines, you’ll find there’s a Freecell game no one’s figured out)
* I’m now free to give more stuff away than I hoard, and I’m looking forward to the time when I’ll know where everything – including books – is, ‘cos I won’t have so much stuff
* I don’t worry anymore about how slow the ‘Net is downloading some sites; I just reach behind me to a pile of papers I can sort while it’s happening. I have a conspiracy theory about the ‘speed’ motivation to buy the latest…
* Above all, I hope the accumulated wisdom of the last 63 years has equipped me better to do my job, which is to figure out how people, families and churches can be happier.
IDEAS
I love reading, and have just finished the second-best book I’ve ever read on ‘How to Read and Why’ (Harold Bloom, Scribner, 2000). The best? Eugene Peterson’s ‘Take and Read’ (Eerdmans, 1996). I’ve noted the following to read (or read again): Guy de Maupassant’s ‘Madame Tellier’s Establishment’, Hemingway’s ‘The Sons of Kilimanjaro’, Shakespeare’s King Lear and Hamlet. (Bloom is a Bardolater: he mentions Shakespeare on just about every page and believes Shakespeare defines ‘human as we know it’ (see pp. 115, 199, 201, 203).
The greatest idea I’ve ever had concerns God’s radical grace. And that we middle-class Christians may be the most disadvantaged in the world at understanding unconditional love. We relatively ‘good’ people have not had to be forgiven much, so as Jesus said we won’t identify easily with prodigals, or the marginalized. After all, we got to be where we are by hard work, hard study and thrift. There have been two exponents of this idea for me: [1] John Claypool was a liberal Southern Baptist preacher who later joined the Episcopal Church. I subscribed to his printed sermons throughout the 70s and 80s and when they arrived monthly in the mail I would usually stop everything to read them. They still enrich my – and my wife Jan’s – preaching. [2] During the 1980’s to the present the Franciscan Richard Rohr. Do a keyword search on the JMM website for some of his brilliant writings.
I believe it’s important not to be naïve about human egocentricity and evil. There’s an interesting bit in Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest. He has Lady Bracknell say (as she pulls out her watch): ‘Come dear (Gwendolin rises). We have already missed five, if not six, trains. To miss any more might expose us to comment on the platform.’ As if people are going to notice!
Just this morning (my birthday, December 5) a new idea hit me as I was having my devotions. There’s a reading near the beginning of Tuesday morning’s (Anglican) office from Ephesians 2:4-7 about the ‘_immeasurable_ riches of God’s grace.’ Now right-wing religious groups (particularly Pharisees) actually measure God’s grace. They know how much grace applies to whom, who’s in and who’s out. A friend of (Old Testament scholar) Walter Brueggeman’s heard him say recently in answer to the question ‘What’s the Old Testament about?: ‘It’s about a God of grace who often breaks the rules God has set for God’s creatures.’ Wow!
MENTORS
[Some of these people have been mentioned elsewhere here].
Who are the people who have influenced me most? Intellectually: look at my 100 recommended books. Maturationally: George Clark, my Sunday School teacher when I was a teenager. He alone helped me believe in myself. Ecclesiologically: probably Rev. (now Bishop) Dudley Foord. He gave me the idea that a pastor should stretch his/her people in every way. Pastorally: Rev. Tom Keyte, one of my colleagues at Blackburn Baptist Church. He had lots of pastoral wisdom, and a gift for saying profound things in few words. Spiritually, in terms of commitment: ‘Uncle’ John Clark in the Brethren Assembly of my childhood; and some of the people I’ve worked with, like Alan Marr, Rod. Denton, Robert Colman; and some of the ‘saints’ in the churches I’ve pastored: people like Joyce Emerson at Narwee, Sally Glanville and Marg Dyer at Blackburn. Theologically: John Stott, John Claypool, Richard Rohr. Radically: Dom Helder Camara, Francis of Assisi.
WHO AM I?
I began to write all this at the beginning of a period of retreat/ reflection (14 November 1999). My task until June 2000 was to figure out who I am, where I can be more fully aligned with God’s will for my life, how I can live more simply. An interesting (!) byproduct of this journey (the Desert Fathers and Mothers also experienced this sort of thing in their solitude) is that I am sometimes attacked by negative thoughts about myself and my journey. I am regularly recollecting the dozen times I got into trouble for speaking my mind. I have never knowingly (I hope) set out to hurt anyone with my words, but I have certainly offended people who were ‘permission-witholders’ occasionally. One question I’m asking is why this rarely happened during the period of our ministry at Blackburn Baptist Church. (We were ‘attacked’ in other ways then).
At a recent Richard Rohr conference (see under Shared Meanings on the JMM website) Richard said that at his first retreat at Merton’s hermitage he was similarly invaded with negative thoughts about himself. [Update: I’m preparing a new sermon on What to do with your Regrets: look for it on the JMM website].
REGRETS
I can’t resist the temptation to say here that my main regret is not giving more quality time to our two eldest children; another is my sometimes taking my beautiful wife for granted; another is my occasional one-sentence ‘boo-boos’ which ruined the whole presentation to a few groups/churches (to which I was not ever since invited back!).
How do people describe me? I don’t get much negative feedback about myself, because I think I have very few enemies – and maybe not sufficient close friends (the only two groups who’ll tell you the truth about yourself). A Bible College principal where I taught recently smilingly said I’m commonly described as the Australian church’s ‘Paul Hogan’ (the larrikin you saw in the movie ‘Crocodile Dundee’). During the 1980s when editor of World Vision’s GRID leadership letter I was apparently read more than any other Australian Christian (we had a quarterly circulation of 23,000 at one stage). Then one or two said I was this nation’s most influential Christian in terms of changing the thinking of the church. I have probably spoken to more clergy face to face individually and in conferences than anyone else I know in Australia during the last 20 years.
I enjoy being undefined, personally and theologically! If that is to be idiosyncratic, so be it. I’m conservative (believing in the reality of Satan, the Devil, for example); progressive (I don’t like the way creeds and constitutions constrict belief and behavior); radical (read my articles on social justice on the JMM website); catholic (God wasn’t dead or asleep for the 1000 years prior to the Protestant Reformation); evangelical (I don’t trust theological liberals in terms of their loose connection with the authority of the scriptures); liberal (I’m not an inerrantist: having a belief about the Bible which the Bible doesn’t have for itself is odd); charismatic (I’m comfortable in Pentecostal/Charismatic praise settings, and believe all the Spiritual gifts are available for all time).
I regard others – everyone – as a miracle. Professionally, the idea that drives my thinking is the prevailing clericalism of the church-as-institution, which when expounded people agree is a problem, but they also feel there’s not much that can be done by way of cure.
Rowland Croucher
July 2001
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