Rev. Matt Glover

Lilydale Baptist Church

October 2010

The following was written as part of my theological studies and in response to the pain and suffering I have seen in my journey with the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender) community.

All the stories told are taken from current literature, however I hope to continue and expand my research in 2011, with new examples and real life stories, taken from people that I have met.

If you or somebody you know would like to tell your story, please don’t hesitate to get in touch: matt[at]lb.org.au

Matt Glover

www.mattglover.com

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Contents

Introduction. 3

Real Stories. 7

Anthony Venn-Brown. 7

Senator Bob Brown. 9

Everyday People. 10

The Church’s Response. 11

The Biblical Arguments. 15

Genesis 19. 15

Leviticus 18 & 20. 16

Romans 1. 17

1 Corinthians 6:9-11. 19

A Larger Biblical Truth. 20

Truth one: We are all Sinners. 20

Truth two: We are all Being Sanctified. 22

Truth three: We are Called to Unity. 24

A Pastoral Response to Homosexuality. 25

“Sin” and the Pastoral Response. 26

“Sanctification” and the Pastoral Response. 30

“Unity” and the Pastoral Response. 33

A Way Forward. 36

Bibliography. 38

Books and Articles. 38

Web Sites. 39

Introduction

Every book I have read about homosexuality and Christianity starts off with a statement about how the debate is tearing the church apart. After debating the issue for years, we are no closer to a resolution and it seems that homosexuality is becoming more divisive in the world wide church. Positions have polarized with the church community and the LGBT community in a face-off over who claims the correct Biblical interpretation and theology.[1] But even within the church, denominations and congregations are being divided to the point of schism, and the unity of the Body of Christ is in disarray.

In the middle of the conflict are men and women, young people and old, who are genuinely wrestling with big questions about their sexuality and spirituality. Young people struggling with their sexual identity are scared to raise their questions in the church environment for fear of isolation and ridicule. These same young people summon up enough courage to “come out” to their parents, who in turn wonder what they have done wrong, hiding their struggles and questions from wider family and community. Slowly gay and lesbian people drift from the church, and the cycle of loneliness continues.

Our churches have argued the issue on biblical, theological and moral grounds for years, and agreement seems elusive. But as the battles rage, real people are being forgotten, left bruised and hurting, and wondering where they fit. While not tackling the more specific issues of the debate like gay marriage and the ordination of practicing homosexuals, it is the purpose of this paper to bring another approach to the issue that is based on our equality before God, the work of the Spirit in our lives, and the unity that the Spirit produces in our church communities.

This alternative approach requires journeying with the real people stuck in the middle of the debate, listening to their questions and seeking answers together. It is a pastoral response that has its grounding in scripture and in my experience of ministry over the last twenty years.

Recently I was speaking at a conference on sexuality and spirituality, taking a workshop on the topic of making the church a safe place to talk about sexuality.[2] A group of about twenty explored a variety of areas within church life and practice, in particular how we could make “sexual discipleship” a normal and every day part of life in the church. At the end of the workshop, a quiet and unassuming young adult male gingerly made his way up to me.  We exchanged some small talk and then he asked a question: “I’m gay, and I’d really like to get engaged to my partner and spend my life with him. But I’m not sure if it’s a sin or not. What should I do?”

I could see that this young man was genuine. His faith was real and his desire to live a life pleasing to God was something to admire. But he was also torn between the teaching he had heard (even at the conference), his own experience of life and what God wanted for him. And he simply didn’t know where to turn to ask his questions.

My response could have been drawn from the traditional, conservative church that said all homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of God and even the thought of committing yourself to another man puts you in danger of the fires of hell. I could have also responded from the liberal end of the scale, dismissing his concerns and offering to perform a ceremony the next weekend. I believe neither would have been helpful. The questions that this young man was asking were not about his sexuality, but about God’s will for his life and allowing that to inform his choices. Thus, my response was not one that highlighted any one side of the homosexual debate, nor one that tried to convince him of one path in preference to the other, but a pastoral response that hopefully continued a journey of questioning and discovery taken within the community of God.

Homosexuality is often discussed at the academic and theological levels, with opposing sides trying to persuade the audience of the acceptability of the same sex orientation or of the need to conform to the traditional model of heterosexual orientation. However, for those who find themselves in the position of questioning their sexuality, the academic arguments rarely give any comfort and often cause more confusion than anything else. The pastoral response to homosexuality that I wish to explore draws on our understanding of human sexuality and focuses on the people and personalities for whom this is a life and sometimes death issue.  Hearing the stories and indentifying with the struggles can, in turn, help the community of faith shape and expand its theology of sexuality and contribute to the unity of the body of Christ.

Pastoral care begins with the life and practice of Jesus. With those on the fringe of his society, Jesus was welcoming and compassionate, touching the untouchable, loving the unlovable and creating a community that saw all people as equals before God. His life included teaching on scripture and the condemnation of religious leaders who had twisted scripture to protect the institutional religion. But never did Jesus isolate those with a genuine response to his care and his teaching on the Kingdom of God.

Pastoral care in the church must reflect the care of Jesus by opposing rules that drain life, and instead, create a life giving community where burdens are carried together. Switzer says that pastoral care:

…[P]roclaims the word through faithful servanthood. In this service it reveals something of the quality of life in the kingdom. This does not mean that, at appropriate times, pastoral care does not proclaim the content of faith, share the scriptures or teach an ethical perspective…[I]t has its own set of procedures designed to produce the unique relationship  in which a person in need might experience the love of God, see the servanthood of Jesus through God’s present servants, and possibly respond and grow in faith. The procedures and relationships of pastoral care distinguish it from acts of worship, preaching and teaching, even though all are united in one goal.[3]

All people in the church are called to care for others. Love is a hallmark of the Christian faith and when it is lived authentically, love is what Christian people become known and appreciated for. Pastors, priests and ministers within the church are recognized as having the extra responsibility for caring for the church as a corporate body, in addition to caring for individuals and families that make up the congregations. The pastoral care provided by the pastor is, “The relationship of concern and service between the minister of religion and the people he or she serves within the context and with the motivation of religious faith.”[4] Hansen paints a personal, powerful, image of the pastoral carer when he describes his calling to the pastorate:

Here’s what the pastoral ministry is for me: Everyday, as I go about my tasks as a pastor, I am a follower of Jesus. I am, therefore, a parable of him to those I encounter. The parable of Jesus works the power and presence of Jesus in their lives. [5]

Pastoral care is a reflection of the love and care Jesus showed for people. The leaders and members of the church, as Hansen describes, are thus “Parables of Jesus”, being the flesh and blood that care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked. A pastoral response to homosexuality in the church will therefore will be motivated by the love that is characteristic of the Christian faith and serve to model the life and teaching of Jesus in a way that those who are recipients of that care are invited to embrace faith for themselves. A pastoral response cares for LGBT people in a way that meets their basic needs and shows God and God’s people as accepting and loving.

The story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11 models this pastoral approach. There is a recognition of sin in the woman’s past, but there is no condemnation of her by Jesus. There is also recognition of sin in the lives of the crowd demanding the woman’s life be taken and neither were they condemned by Jesus. While we don’t know what happened to the crowd after they left, we do know that Jesus returned the woman’s dignity, showed her the compassion of the Kingdom and sent her away to live a new life.

A pastoral response to homosexuality will take the lessons learnt from the life of Jesus, and the love that is the basis of the Christian faith and live them out amongst people of the LGBT community. It will recognize the value of the debates, but it will also acknowledge that the endless arguments have left many feeling confused and unsure about who they are and where they stand with God. It will build bridges between the church community and the LGBT community that have their foundation in the grace and love of God, by encouraging hospitality and mutual support. It will seek to listen to the real stories of real people, apologizing for the inadequate and at times appalling treatment of the past and try to discern a way forward together.

Real Stories

I’m convinced that in every church there is somebody who has questioned their sexuality. It is my guess that even now, most churches contain people that are questioning their sexuality, but struggle in private. It is an issue that touches all of us at one level or another through family, friends and work colleagues, so it is important that an appropriate pastoral response be articulated for the church.

But if there is any doubt, just a handful of stories can illustrate how badly the church has dealt pastorally with people questioning their sexual orientation.

Anthony Venn-Brown

Twice voted one of Australia’s 25 most influential gay and lesbians, Venn-Browns history is one of questioning his sexual identity, marriage, a secret and promiscuous sexual life style and Christian ministry. As a young man he had a strong desire to serve God as a church planter and an evangelist, becoming well known around Australia for his tireless work. He was the founder of Youth Alive in New South Wales which has since grown to become a national youth ministry movement.[6]

At the same time, Venn-Brown struggled with his sexual identity, being attracted sexually to men.  In his book A Life of Unlearning he describes the repeating cycle of struggle with homosexual temptation, secretive homosexual encounters with men, overwhelming guilt, and a desire to be cleansed  and freed from the “sin” of homosexuality that was entangling his life.[7]

Venn-Brown went through counseling and reparative therapy, to try and “cure” him of his homosexuality, with little success.  He was married and had two children, thinking that this would help overcome his homosexual desires. His church leaders, who were aware of his orientation at the time, supported the marriage and it seemed that Venn-Brown became one of the success stories of ex-gay therapy.

However, his desire for male love and companionship was still strong and he struggled daily with the temptations that were presented to him. Eventually, he yielded and found himself having a homosexual affair whilst married and involved in an international public ministry.

To his credit, Venn-Brown confessed his adultery to his wife and church leaders, and immediately resigned from ministry. He submitted himself to whatever his church leadership requested and went through further counseling. Again, there was nothing that suggested his sexual orientation had changed.

In his book, Venn-Brown freely admits that much of what he did was deceptive and wrong. He hurt his family, friends and church deeply, and the wounds last until this day. Yet, it was his treatment by the church, when everything was out in the open, that caused the most pain. Isolated and alone, no form of care was offered to Venn-Brown and his wife as they tried to work out the way forward. His denomination wiped him from their books and distanced themselves from anything to do with him. Friends disappeared, support was removed and the silence caused more pain than the harsh words they had received to their faces. Venn-Brown separated from his wife, eventually divorcing and for several years lived the life of a promiscuous gay man on the streets of Sydney.

The story has a positive ending in that Venn-Brown rediscovered God and found that his sexuality and faith could be reconciled. He now works at supporting LGBT people who, like him, have discovered that their sexuality is not compatible with the teaching or practice of their church communities and have found themselves isolated and alone with no one to turn to.

Senator Bob Brown

A well known figure in Australian politics, Bob Brown is Leader of the Australian Greens and fights for good stewardship of the environment as political decisions are made. As a church-going teenager, he felt that his sexual orientation was an abomination to God. He prayed against his feelings but as nothing changed his shame grew and he stopped going to church. Whilst at university he sought the help of a cold-hearted psychiatrist – the first person he ever told about his orientation. The psychiatrist asked if there was any parental abuse in his past (which there wasn’t) and then insisted on a series of expensive testosterone injections to make him “more of a man”.

After months of injections, Brown felt no different and then made his way to see a Sydney psychiatrist who was testing a new “aversion therapy”. What amounted to electric shock treatment at the slightest sign of interest in photographs of males, was also unsuccessful. Brown was left in a state of despair and began to plan his own death. He became seriously ill through the anxiety of the situation, but once he was well enough he decided to move to London to escape the pain of his life in Australia. It was here that he saw another psychiatrist who said quite plainly, “Instead of fighting it, why don’t you make a good thing of it. It’s part of who you are. Accept yourself.” [8]

Brown now lives in a committed relationship with his partner, standing up for the rights of the environment as well as LGBT people. When interviewed recently about whether he believed any form of religion, he described himself as a lapsed Presbyterian, with his office adding, “His religion was ‘believing the fate of the Earth is in our hands’”.[9]

Everyday People

The two stories told so far raise many complex issues, but what is clear is both the fear of the church and the abandonment by the church in a time of great need. Sadly, this story is repeated many times in the lives of ordinary people who will never get the chance to speak publicly about their struggles or gain the sympathy of the wider community. They must engage in the struggle on their own, often without the support of family and friends.

There are numerous books and articles that contain stories of ordinary people struggling with their sexuality. John is a man of thirty seven who was raised in a Christian family, was involved in ministry with his church and was elected as the president of the student body in his college.  He was successful and well liked in nearly all areas of his life.  As a teen he realized he was gay and prayed every day for twenty two years, “Lord, when I wake up in the morning, please make me straight like everybody else.” John’s church had taught that homosexuals would never be allowed to enter the Kingdom of God, so he hid his struggles from church, friends and family and suffered secretly for years. Like many in his position, he concluded that because his prayers weren’t answered either God didn’t exist or God had already condemned him.[10]

Charles was a youth pastor of a church that also taught the condemnation of homosexual people and when he “came out” he left the church, but continued trying to reconcile his sexuality with his faith. His relationship with his parents became strained when they found out and they denied he was gay, even after meeting Charles’ partner. His parents, former missionaries and now pastors, offered to pay for a prostitute for Charles so he could, “Try being straight.”[11]

Sister Hilda is a chaplain at Fairfield hospital and cares primarily for those dying from AIDS. In her work she has had to face up to many things that have challenged her own faith, particularly about the issue of homosexuality. But in the eyes of the people she cares for, she sees the hurt and pain caused by isolation of dying alone. Over the years she has observed that when somebody is married and very sick, people rally around them both and they can get support. There is love and compassion, understanding in the work place and help from a local church if this is part of their life. There is companionship.  When it comes to gay couples though, she says, “Gay couples often feel that they can’t tell people. They go to work and cannot tell people at work. They go to the hospital and then go home to an empty house. They haven’t got backup care; they don’t get those extra bits of compassionate care. And where is the church then?” [12]

The stories can be found everywhere. In my own ministry there have been countless people who have contacted me or been referred to me because they had heard through the grapevine that I was a pastor that would talk to gay people. Their own churches found them too difficult to handle and no doubt, sent them to me in the hope that I could somehow “fix” them.  A former colleague, Erin Shale, was so distressed by the treatment many of her students were receiving because of their sexuality, that she compiled a book of “coming out” stories to reassure them that they were ok. Time and time again, the church comes across as loveless, judgmental and hypocritical in its dealing with people that are gay or lesbian.[13]

The Church’s Response

The response of the church to homosexuality has been based on good intentions, but carried out in ways which have wounded people deeply. The folk from the now infamous Westboro Baptist Church are an extreme example. Founded by Fred Phelps in 1955, Westboro Baptist has proudly gained a reputation of being a homosexual hating church. Their website loudly declares that their purpose is to be the mouth of God and speak against the, “Fag lifestyle of soul-damning, nation-destroying filth.” The approach Westboro takes to spreading their message of hate consists of picketing the funerals of gay and lesbian people, disrupting the grief of the occasion with chants and banners declaring, “God hates fags”. Similarly, the funerals of soldiers killed in the current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are also picketed as they perceive these men and women as having died defending the “fag loving” nation that is the United States of America. [14]

Fortunately, the Christian church as a whole distances itself from the extreme stance of groups like Westboro. However, there has still been an underlying assumption that homosexuality is a choice and that those who identify as gay or lesbian need to change to be fully accepted into God’s kingdom. Programs commonly known as “Ex-Gay Ministries” have been established around the world with the aim of curing people of their homosexuality and helping them to live their lives as healthy and balanced heterosexual people. The assumption behind ex-gay ministries is that a same sex orientation is not part of God’s design and thus needs to be changed for a person to be fully accepted by God. A second assumption is that a homosexual orientation can be changed.

Exodus International is perhaps the most well known ex-gay ministry, and acts as the overseeing body of the Exodus Global Alliance. The approach of Exodus is to facilitate change in a homosexual person’s life through prayer and education. They deny that homosexuality is a valid sexual orientation and proudly proclaim on their website that they have been serving men and women affected by homosexuality for over thirty years.[15] [16]

There has been criticism of Exodus’ approach and that of the Global Alliance. Firstly, the evidence from scientific research increasingly points to the validity of the same sex orientation. Orientation is now more commonly understood as a continuum, as first proposed by Alfred Kinsey in 1948 (from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual), and is not something an individual chooses or can change.[17] The American Psychological Association, as quoted by Kundtz and Schlager, says that, “Changing one’s sexual orientation is not simply a matter of changing one’s sexual behavior. It would require altering one’s emotional, romantic and sexual feelings and restructuring one’s self-concept and social identity.”[18] A person may be taught to “act” heterosexual, but a successful total inner conversion from “gay to straight” is very rare. A recent study into the success of Exodus reported that only, “Fifteen percent of participants reported considerable resolution of homosexual orientation issues and substantial conversion to heterosexual attraction” (emphasis mine). A further twenty three percent had chosen chastity after the Exodus program, reporting little homosexual attraction, but also little heterosexual attraction.[19] In my own ministry, those that have been through ex-gay ministries time and again speak of the frustration of failed attempts to become “straight” and the pressure they were put under to pretend that they were heterosexual at the conclusion of the program. While I have also met a handful of people that live as heterosexuals after ex-gay ministry, often now married with children, private conversations still reveal their internal struggles.

Secondly, the “results” of ministries like Exodus International have been reported to cause more harm than good to people trying to discover more about their orientation. Some of the more harmful results of ex-gay therapy have been listed as guilt and anxiety, depression and self-destructive behavior. There is also the significant investment of time and money that perhaps could be better used on counseling that helps reconcile life, faith and sexuality.[20] Interestingly, the damaging results of ex-gay ministries has given rise to a new field of ministry known as “Ex-ex-gay ministries”, designed to help those damaged by unsuccessful attempts to change their orientation to find healing and peace. Some former leaders have also admitted that the work of Exodus has been harmful to many people and issued an apology for their approach, for spreading broken truths and calling for genuine reconciliation between the church and the LGBT community.[21]

The approach of organizations like Exodus and the general response to homosexuality by the church, seem to be based on the fear of two things rather than a Biblical based mandate to change a person’s orientation. Firstly, there is the fear of what a fixed homosexual orientation might mean to our concepts of Biblical authority and the place of scientific evidence. If a traditional view of homosexuality is held and scientific evidence seems to contradict what the Bible “says”, people of faith are forced to either choose between science and faith or live with a head-in-the-sand approach. The second fear is an uninformed and prejudiced fear of gay people themselves. The “gay lifestyle” that people like Westboro Baptist continue to attack represents only a small proportion of LGBT people. The promiscuous sexual exploits and the flaunting of sexuality at Mardi Gras marches, both repeatedly highlighted by the media, paint a picture that makes heterosexual families recoil in disgust. A story that has become “cult classic” amongst the LGBT community in Australia is called Holding the Man by Timothy Conigrave and reinforces the stereotype the heterosexual community fears.[22] The book is an account of Conigrave’s life as a gay man, growing up in Melbourne and then going on to become well known in theatrical circles in Sydney. It describes graphically the promiscuous life that he led, his multiple sexual partners, as well as the life-long relationship he had with another man. Both Conigrave and his life partner contracted AIDS and died of the disease, but not before Conigrave had donated blood and unknowingly infected another person through a blood transfusion. While the story vividly details the difficulties of growing up and living as a gay man, it also reinforces all of the fears that the heterosexual, conservative church community have about LGBT people. Conigrave has become stereotypical gay man that plays to our fears and stands in contrast to the Biblical call to sexual purity. The fact that Conigrave represents only a small portion of the LGBT community has been lost, and instead, replaced with theological debate and Biblical arguments. In the midst of all the words, real people who need to be cared for go unheard and forgotten.

[2] Sex. God. Life. Conference. Making Church a Safe Place to Talk About Sexuality. (19^th March 2010. Syndal Baptist Church)

[3] Switzer, D.K. “Now Who’s Coming to Dinner? Pastoral Care for Family and Friends of Gay and Lesbian People” Word and World (Volume XIV, Number 3, Summer 1994) 259

[4] Kundtz, D.J. & Schlager B.S, Ministry Among God’s Queer Folk (Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2007) 4

[5] Hansen, D. The Art of Pastoring: Ministry Without All the Answers (Downers Grove: IVP, 1994) 28

[6] http://www.samesame.com.au/25/AnthonyVennBrown (Accessed 23rd June 2010)

[7] Venn-Brown, A. A Life of Unlearning: A Journey to Find the Truth. (Sydney: New Holland Publishers,  2007)

[8] Shale, E. (ed) Inside Out: An Australian Collection of Coming Out Stories (Melbourne: Bookman Press, 1999) 103

[9] http://www.smh.com.au/national/pollies-in-the-nogod-squad-20100313-q547.html viewed on 14/5/2010

[10] Marin, A. Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community. (Downers Grove: IVP, 2009) 25-26

[11] Venn-Brown, A Life of Unlearning, 381

[12] Cadwallader, A. (ed) AIDS: The Church as Enemy and Friend (Victoria: Collins Dove, 1992) 79

[13] Shale, E. (ed) Inside Out: An Australian Collection of Coming Out Stories (Melbourne: Bookman Press, 1999). As she began writing her book, Erin could find no financial support for her project. Believing so much in the importance of these stories, she travelled extensively at her own expense to conduct the interviews and used her own money to publish and distribute the book.

[14] http://www.godhatesfags.com (Accessed on 27^th June 2010)

[15] http://www.exodusinternational.org (Accessed 19^th July 2010)

[16] Using the word “Affected” suggests that homosexuality is a disease or condition that can be changed. It is a common expression used in ex-gay programs.

[17] Crooks, R. & Baur, K. Our Sexuality: Eleventh Edition (California: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2008)  250

[18] Kundtz, D.J. & Schlager B.S, Ministry Among God’s Queer Folk (Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2007) 127

[19] Jones, S.L. & Yarhouse, M.A. Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation. (Downers Grove: IVP, 2007) 369

[20] Kundtz, D.J. & Schlager B.S, Ministry Among God’s Queer Folk, 128

[21] http://www.beyondexgay.com/article/apology (Accessed 19th July 2010)

[22] Conigrave, T. Holding the Man (Camberwell: Penguin Books, 1995)

More… [2] http://jmm.org.au/articles/25462.htm