The following is excerpted from my recent book, The Family: At Home in a Heartless World. This article has been posted to our clergy/leaders’ list and home page. Join us for more!
Shalom! Rowland Croucher
Director, John Mark Ministries – resources for pastors/leaders.
(Bookroom, library, and worldwide F.W.Boreham Trading Post)
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Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength is spent. (Psalm 71:9) Grey hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. (Proverbs 16:31) Even to your old age I am he, even when you turn gray I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. (Isaiah 46:4) The Lord bless you from Zion. May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel! (Psalm 128:4-6) I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you. (2 Timothy 1:5) Thus says the Lord of hosts: Old men and old women shall again sit in the streets of Jerusalem, each with staff in hand because of their great age. And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets. (Zechariah 8:4-5) Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their parents. (Proverbs 17:6) Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited. (Titus 2:2-5) Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5) …..

In New York I was being given a guided tour of Harlem by a local Presbyterian minister. He told me the kids never say ‘Our Father’ in the Lord’s Prayer: most fathers were alcoholic or absent. The person who most represented God to them was grandmother… I know two high-profile brothers, who have different political orientations. When I asked one of them how this came to be he said, ‘We related to different grandparents.’ One of my grandmothers loved God and loved the Bible: I was most impressed by her faith. And we have four gorgeous grandchildren – Abbie, Coralie, Jay, and Will, aged 14, 12, 3 and one respectively. Photos of each of them are prominent in our home, and we have a ‘brag book’ folder of drawings and other precious things about each of them. We see them most weeks, and we love taking home-baked chocolate-chip cookies and other surprises or gifts to them. Or Abbie and Coralie bring their parents for dinner, and afterwards (or earlier in winter) we play our version of cricket together. Before our meal we have a little ritual, singing the ‘Johnny Appleseed’ song. (‘Oh, the Lord is good to me/ And so I thank the Lord / For giving me the things I need / The Sun and the rain and the appleseed; /The Lord is good to me, Johnny Appleseed, Amen.’) They love it! Tonight, as I type this, Abbie and Coralie are sleeping in our spare room while their parents have a night out together. It’s a delight and a privilege to have them visit us. In traditional societies older people – who may have the status of ‘patriarchs’ or ‘matriarchs’ – are respected partly because they are repositories of the wisdom of the group.

But in Western cultures this is not so, entirely. As anthropologist Margaret Mead used to say, older people are now strangers in the world of the young, and while our seniors ought to be respected and honoured, they do not necessarily have all the know-how needed in a world that has changed dramatically since their day. Today grandparents are invited to give support rather than knowledge to their married children. Sometimes older people presume they can offer advice about all sorts of complicated modern problems, and they may become a nuisance. The best thing we can offer our grandchildren is friendship. In previous generations grandparents often lived with their married children’s families; they helped wipe runny noses, change diapers/nappies, cook and clean – and therefore earned the right to participate more directly in advice-giving. But these days many grandparents won’t settle for a baby-sitting role in exchange for a small room in the house: some of them won’t babysit at all. It’s a pity that today’s grandparents live further away than previously, so there may often be less contact with their grandchildren. However, we have telephones and cars – and remember, grandparents often died in the past before many children ever knew them. The best thing we can do for our married children is simply to ‘be there’. They should know without a shadow of doubt that we are always available and, no matter what disasters may occur, they are not alone. Support, encouragement, a roof and food are always available to them. And while it’s common for grandparents to say they enjoy both having the grandchildren and handing them back to their parents, let us not underestimate the powerful effects our company and our love have on those children. Grandchildren all over the world love to hear about how it was long ago when we were young. ‘What did you do when you didn’t have TV grandpa?’ and you tell them of games in the street (cars were rare, and it was interesting to stop the game to watch the car go by) – games the kids still play like ‘hide ‘n seek’ and ‘chasings’. It is important to widen our grandchildren’s view of reality to encompass a past, and for them to experience the continuity of generations of loved ones who also enjoyed adventures, had fun, and also had problems. It is a sheer joy to share in the beginning of their long journey, and be near enough to them to observe it. We grandparents communicate to our loved ones that growing older is OK. (A woman married to an archeologist was asked how it was working out. ‘Oh it’s good,’ she said, ‘the older I get the more interested he is in me!’). Above all, Christian grandparents model for their grandchildren how to live lives of faith, hope and love. They provide some stability and security in a world of rapid change and bewildering complexities: including, hopefully, the security of believing that a good marriage can last a long time and only be interrupted by death, and as that inevitable day draws near, they do not not need to fear.

A Grandparent’s Prayer
Lord, I am getting older, but may I never believe I’m getting useless. I am wiser through the learnings of the years, but may I never stop growing. I am weaker and more frail, but may my spirit stay strong. Thank you for your faithfulness during my whole life, for your comfort in times of difficulty, for courage to face trials of all kinds, and for the gift of joy at all times. Lord, I have many gifts to give – of friendship and love, encouragement and instruction, solace and praise. Help me not to interfere in the lives of others but to give these gifts with humility when the time is appropriate. Keep my faith, hope and love strong, so that from the overflow of these rich spiritual resources others may see the light and feel the life of your healing presence. Through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.

A Benediction
Now to him who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of his glory with rejoicing, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. (Jude 24-25).