A Pastoral Response to Homosexuality

The pastoral response that I am proposing in this paper takes into account pastoral care as a parable of Jesus, plus the biblical truths that we are all sinners, in the process of being sanctified by the Holy Spirit and called to unity in Christ. It acknowledges the difficulties the body of Christ is encountering with the interpretation of a small number of passages, but seeks a way forward on these issues with the LGBT community. In  light of the history of persecution of LGBT people that has been condoned by the Church, I will assume the burden of making the first moves lies with the Church. Being “Parables of Jesus” means that we must be involved in “incarnational mission” that sees us leave our place of comfort and be with those whom we are trying to reach and care for.

A pastoral response to the LGBT community, in some ways, will be no different to any other people group. However, there are unique needs and challenges that are quite foreign to heterosexual people, but which gay people must face all the time. The process of self-awareness leading to coming out, and then exploring and accepting one’s orientation can be a very lonely, traumatic and confusing time for a LGBT person and a time where “travelling companions” are desperately needed. Family members of LGBT people also face their own “coming out” and must wrestle with their feelings and responses to the news that the orientation of someone they love is different. LGBT people from ethnic and religious minorities, as well as the disabled, face enormous obstacles. The elderly are barred from moving into aged care with their life-long, same-sex partners because their status as a couple is legally unrecognized. Of course, those living with HIV/AIDS are treated as the “unclean” of our time. People in all of these situations, both inside and outside the Church, need to be loved and cared for by more than just the LGBT community. All of them need to be free from the oppression and anxiety that has been unfairly placed on them. The love of God, communicated by those from the faith community that care for LGBT people, needs to be told and displayed without fear. This is a pastoral response to homosexuality.

“Sin” and the Pastoral Response

For heterosexual people, there is never any thought of ever having to declare one’s sexuality, nor is there any pressure to hide it. Yet homosexual people are faced with both of these from the moment they suspect their sexuality might be different from what is considered by the majority to be “normal”. In churches where homosexuality is taught to be an abomination in the eyes of God, the fear of expressing a homosexual orientation is overwhelming and often results in the person leaving the church forever.

However, a pastoral response to the LGBT community recognizes that we are all sinners, and rather than automatically signing a gay person up to a reparative therapy program, will walk with them through the journey of self discovery and the process of discerning a way forward.

In his well read work on pastoral care, Clinebell suggests that there are five functions of pastoral care. One is healing which aims to restore a person to wholeness and lead them beyond the present circumstances they find themselves in. Another is sustaining which helps a person endure and transcend the present circumstance. Both of these functions are important for a gay to person deal with the inner conflicts and move towards a life of peace and wholeness as they begin the coming out process.[1]

Contrary to what a heterosexual person might think, “coming out” for a gay person involves a number of stages that can span years. It is not a single moment in time that divides life into pre- and post-gay. Kundtz and Schlager identify 5 stages of coming out:

a)      Pre-Coming Out is the time when an individual wrestles with the internal tension brought about when a different sexual orientation is suspected.

b)      Coming Out is the period when a person begins to tell others of their sexual orientation. It is a difficult and unpredictable time, and one in which strong support networks are vital.

c)       Exploration is the stage where a person now asks, “What does this mean?” types of questions.

d)      First Relationships are a natural progression from the exploration stage when an individual starts to form friendships and relationship as a gay person.

e)      Integration is the final point of resolution when the individual if a healthy, fully functioning member of society and comfortably identified as gay.[2]

The pastoral functions of healing and sustaining are vital at this point of a gay person’s life. An LGBT person  needs to be reassured that, as they explore their newly discovered orientation, God has not abandoned them, nor has God’s church. Bad decisions at each stage of the coming out process can easily be made that cause deep wounds that last a lifetime. Rather than isolate a person and force them to take the journey on their own, the faith community should draw around the person, offering compassionate guidance towards healthy decisions, healing and wholeness.

A pastoral response to the coming out stage will also mean the faith community will act as a mediator when conflict arises. Families and parents often find it difficult to understand why their loved one is gay, and they blame themselves for doing something wrong. This can lead to a brewing anger directed at the LGBT community. The person who has come out can respond with disappointment at the response, which can also lead to anger directed back to the friends and family who are labeled as “homophobes.” Families divide and fracture and the pain is magnified. Crooks and Baur encouraged people coming out to rely heavily on patience and allow time for their new identity to sink in. A gay person may have had years to wrestle with their orientation and forget that for their friends and family the news is unexpected and raw. Anger needs to be controlled for the sake of sustaining family relationships.[3]

In the church, the coming out of somebody loved and respected can be a very awkward time for everybody. The heterosexual people don’t know what to say and the gay person feels like everybody is looking. It is important for pastoral leaders at this stage to openly demonstrate their care, love and acceptance of the gay person to give others a lead on how to act. This is being a parable of Jesus both for the gay person and the heterosexual people that are not sure what to do. Whether the faith community makes a public statement or not about the person’s sexuality is up to the church, but it should be approached with the utmost care. Perhaps a better approach, for LGBT young people at least, would be to develop a “rite of passage” that includes a coming out ceremony that affirms both ones sexuality and faith. Testimonies of gay people at their baptism should also be encouraged so the faith community can see and hear how God has been at work in their lives.

Unfortunately, the reality of our world means that the coming out stage of many gay people doesn’t happen when they are young and single. Due to the way homosexuality was viewed in years gone by, gay people were pressured into keeping their sexual orientation a secret and would masquerade as a heterosexual person for reasons of self-preservation. This often included getting married and raising a family. I have encountered numerous stories where one partner in a marriage has suppressed a same sex orientation to the point of despair. Rather than talk openly about their struggles, they have hidden their sexuality but sought release and fulfillment through homosexual affairs and secret sexual encounters. When this is discovered and admitted, the marriage falls apart, the family disintegrates, and all involved describe living in a fog in which nothing seems clear. The situation is extremely difficult and there are no easy answers. Vows have been broken and people betrayed. This needs to be the first point of concern for those involved in the pastoral care. Whilst an extended discussion of this scenario is beyond the scope of this paper, it does reinforce the need to properly care for those younger people of the LGBT community in a way that does not force them down a path that sets them up for enormous pain in the future. A pastoral approach, in the first instance, will move towards wholeness and sustain a gay person through the coming out phase into a healthy life.

Encouraging a young LGBT person to live life as a healthy, gay person is not something the church has traditionally done nor have parents expected. Thus a pastoral response requires that we travel together with the friends and family of the gay person. Parents in particular find the event very traumatic and go through similar coming out stages.  In my twenty years of youth ministry experience, I came to realize that the best response from parents was to love their gay child just as they would their heterosexual child. Parents should talk openly about their feelings and discoveries, become as informed as possible, stand up for their children when there is prejudice, and welcome their gay friends. This does not require that the parents agree with or accept all of their child’s choices, but it does reinforce the young person’s self esteem and self-worth. Most importantly it helps avoid the spiral into depression and suicide of so many gay, young people.

For LGBT people of faith, the coming out stages must also include questions that relate to God and how faith is expressed in their lives. Discipleship that includes being true to one’s sexuality while at the same time being expressed within a God-directed life should be the concern of the church and offered in a way that is caring, sensitive and validates their worth as a human being.

“Sanctification” and the Pastoral Response

Clinebell’s functions of pastoral care also include guiding and nurturing which help a care-seeker navigate the array of life choices before them and reach their God given potential.[4] In the church setting we call this “discipleship” which exposes a person to teaching and experiences that allow room for critical thinking and formation to happen. In the midst of this the Spirit of God acts to make us holy, or sanctifies us.

A pastoral response to homosexuality in the church will not just assist a person and their family in the stages of coming out, but will also help chart a course for discovering and living out what it means to be a LGBT person of faith. Sadly, there has been little work done in this area as the traditional response has been to either suppress or try and change a same sex orientation rather than seeking a more robust, healthy faith. A full exploration of LGBT discipleship is beyond the scope of this paper, but I would emphasize that sanctification is a work of God’s Spirit, and what that work looks like is up to God. What is the best for the faith development of a LGBT person is a matter for prayer and discernment together with the individual.

In my experience, the most common alternatives that are before a LGBT person of faith are:

a)      Ignore the same sex orientation and try to live as a heterosexual, fulfilling roles in the home, work and church just like any other heterosexual person. While this is not a recommended course of action, it still is chosen at times. Usually this happens when a person is still in the very early stages of coming out and should still be respected and honoured.

b)      Try and change the sexual orientation through ex-gay programs. While there is still a lot of debate about the success and well being of participants in these programs, care givers should still respect the decision of a person to try and change. If a LGBT person is married and wants to honour those vows, the skills an ex-gay program teaches may help them live a faithful married life

c)       Come out and live as a celibate person. As mentioned previously, this is a decision that should never be taken lightly as celibacy is a difficult road to travel. Should this path be chosen, lots of support will be necessary. Their orientation should not be ignored, but at the same time, accountability and support lovingly offered by the church community.

d)      Come out and live a sexually moral lifestyle. Heterosexual people might find it unexpected, but Christian LGBT people generally do want to honour God with their bodies and express their sexuality in Godly ways. This means waiting for someone who they think they can spend the rest of their life with. It also means the church needs to rethink its position on blessing same sex relationships so it can fully support a couple in a same sex union in their desire to pursue a life of holiness.

Discipleship is not a process by which we all transformed into clones of the perfect Christian. Instead, it involves becoming the person that God has designed us to be, within the limits that are set from living in a broken world. Smedes says that we have the responsibility of helping the LGBT person to, “Make the best life they can within the limits of what an errant nature gives them.”[5] Complaining about a sexually immoral lifestyle without allowing the opportunity for lifelong commitments to be recognized is perhaps the most hypocritical view in the traditional church’s stance on homosexuality. Even if a church doesn’t agree to the idea of gay marriage in theory, there is the obligation to help people live as morally as possible. Life-long, committed, monogamous relationships are surely the best option available for most LGBT people of faith.

Discipleship and sanctification are about far more than sexuality. They involve all areas of our lives and so a pastoral response will avoid making sexuality the main issue of every teaching opportunity or proclamation of the Word. The Spiritual Disciplines that form the daily rhythm and practice of Christian life need to be taught and practiced in a LGBT person’s life just as much as in a heterosexual person’s life. We all need to learn to pray. We all need to worship. We all need to study the scriptures and meditate on the messages the Spirit whispers to us. We all need to fast in response to critical times in life. We all need times of silence and solitude. We all need to serve the body and the wider community, be good neighbours, participate in the sacraments and become parables of Jesus ourselves. These things should be the focus of our life together as the body of Christ and the expression of our sexualities should be woven into them in a natural and unassuming way.

For this to happen, it will mean opening all areas of ministry in the life of a congregation to LGBT people. This doesn’t mean starting specific groups and ministries that LGBT people can go to, but allowing them to serve as youth group leaders, small group participants, band members and the like, with the same requirements and expectations as heterosexual members.

Unfortunately, many gay people feel the prejudice and persecution they receive gives the license to live however they want and still demand that their lifestyles be recognized and affirmed by the church. Equally unfortunate is the fact that many heterosexual people simply assume that all gay people are sexually promiscuous and are not capable of living moral lives. Both of these extremes are unhelpful, but they do point to the need of developing a sexual ethic, or a form of sexual discipleship, that equips the LGBT community to live God honouring lives as whole people.

Setting standards for life is difficult, and living up to them is harder – for both heterosexual and homosexual people. It is only with the mutual support and love of others that we can achieve any success and allow room for sancitification, the work of the Spirit, to take place. Hence the need for unity in a pastoral response to homosexuality in the church.

“Unity” and the Pastoral Response

The apostle Paul’s letter to the Roman Christians encourages them to weep and laugh with those that are experiencing the bad and the good parts of life (Rom 12:15). In his letter to the Corinthian Christians, he says that if one part of the body of Christ suffers, then all parts suffer (1 Cor 12:26). Identifying with those that are poor, hungry, oppressed, marginalized or suffering in anyway has been a hallmark of many of the great people and movements of faith. What those that are suffering think of those helping is irrelevant, as is their religious convictions. What is important is that those that follow Jesus, the Christian Church,  identify with those that are suffering in a way that shares the burden and offers hope of a better life. German theologian, Jurgen Moltmann, states it this way:

The fellowship of Christ’s sufferings reaches beyond the community of Christ and its martyrs, for these sufferings are end time sufferings, which take possession of the whole creation. But who are the victims of “the sufferings of this present time?” (Phil). They are the weak, the poor and the sick. In the struggle for power which is the trademark of “this world”, the weak suffer most, the oppressed are sacrificed first of all, the children are the first to die.[6]

The church must not begin to protest only when the state interferes with the church itself. It must already protest as soon as state power becomes lawless, unjust and inhumane.[7]

There are many that fall into the category of “poor” on our planet, and perhaps even more that could be called “oppressed”. The LGBT community may be relatively wealthy in the Western context but nevertheless they are still oppressed because of their sexuality. Relationships are not recognized, which makes partners intelligible for government benefits freely available to other couples. Churches bar LGBT people from participating in church life. Workplaces fire LGBT with no reason, and families isolate their gay members. School becomes intolerable, church, work and home become places to fear, and there seems little in the way of refuge.

In our time and culture, the LGBT community are an oppressed group of people. Regardless of what the church thinks about their sexuality and its expression, and regardless of what LGBT people think about the church, the body of Christ has a Biblical mandate to stand with them in the face of persecution. Even in the recent Australian federal election, it was the “Christian” political parties that were speaking the loudest against gay rights.[8] Prominent church leaders blame the push by some in government for LGBT rights as the influence of Satan.[9] Television evangelists go as far as to blame the LGBT community for terrorist attacks and natural disasters. [10] All of these things do nothing but promote the oppression of gay people and push them further to the margins.

A pastoral response to the oppression of homosexual people is to stand with them, shoulder to shoulder, in the face of opposition. It gives voice to the need for equal rights and recognition that gay people are not out to make the world homosexual, but just want to be recognized for who they are. They are not perverts or child molesters, and they pose no threat to heterosexual marriage in the slightest. This message needs to be told clearly, and the church should be the one to say it.

In association with the mandate to stand up for the rights of the oppressed, is the call for unity. In John 17, Jesus prays that all those that follow him will share the bond of unity that the Father and Son enjoy (John 17:21). With the exclusion of LGBT from many mainstream churches and the division of entire denominations over the ordination of gay and lesbian ministers, “Gay Churches” or “Affirming Churches” have begun appearing around the world. The Metropolitan Community Church was founded by Troy Perry in 1968 as a place where LGBT people of faith could come and worship.[11] The MCC movement has now spread worldwide, but receives little recognition from other Christian traditions. The work the MCC does has given birth to many remarkable ministries, but in my own work with the LGBT people of Melbourne many have expressed that they don’t want to be part of a “Gay Church” or a church that makes such a big deal of sexuality. They want to be part of a church where God is the big deal.

Returning to the thoughts of Moltmann, he says on unity:

The unity of the gathered congregation is visible and experienced in the fellowship of people who are themselves different. It is no way a fortuitous result of the proclamation and the administration of the sacraments, but is, in association with these, itself a sign of hope.[12]

If the assembled church is the confessing church, then it will represent the unity in Christ and the Spirit that makes all things new in the midst of the conflicts of its social and political situation.[13]

According to Moltmann then, not only should the church stand up for the LGBT community against its oppression, but it should also stand with the LGBT community in its worship of God. Because we are all sinners and because we are all being changed by the spirit, we can stand with our brothers and sisters of same sex orientation in unity. However, the wedge that has been driven between the LGBT community and the church is deep and wide.

Clinebell’s final function of pastoral care is that of reconciling, which seeks to reconcile relationships between human beings and between people and God.[14] According to Paul, it is a ministry given to us by God (2 Cor 5:18), and thus is part of the active mission of the church. Reconciling the church community and the LGBT community together is needed so both groups can move forward. Taking a pastoral approach will mean the church takes the first steps in a practical act of reconciliation with the ultimate goal of unity.

A Way Forward

In Acts 15, when the early church was wrestling with the place of the Gentiles in God’s Kingdom, they came to realize that God was doing a new an unexpected thing. God’s Kingdom stretched far beyond the boundaries that they had once thought firm and now included a people once regarded as defiled. These new Christians were not required to keep the law or observe the feasts or festivals that were important to the Jews. Instead, they were to live lives as faithful Gentile Christians and to abstain only from those things that prevented table fellowship with Jewish Christians.[15] Eating together at the same table was an important part of building the unity of the newly established church.

In our time, God is doing a work amongst the LGBT community that the traditional church has never expected. A deep, spiritual longing is giving voice to our oppressed gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, demanding that we rethink what we have believed, taught and practiced with respect to the LGBT community and faith. Like the early church, the table has been set for us to sit down, eat together and hear the stories of what God has been doing amongst the LGBT people so that we can work out a way to practice our faith together. The theological arguments and Biblical debates should not stop, but they should only continue within the context of a pastoral response. We are all sinners and none sits in judgment over another. If one thinks the practice or belief of another is in error, then we need to come to the table to discuss it and seek a resolution. We are all being sanctified by the Spirit of God, but we can’t dictate what that work of the Spirit might be or how long it will take. Again, the table is the place we can tell the stories of what God is doing and encourage each other to stay strong and faithful in the journey of life. We are all called to unity in the body of Christ and the table is a physical expression of that. Despite our differences, we can eat together and discuss the way forward in unity regardless of what we don’t agree on.

There is still much to work through in the debate about homosexuality in the church. I have mentioned the issue of gay marriage in this paper but there is much discussion still to be had about when and how gay partnerships could be recognized and blessed. Questions abound about the ethics of letting gay couples adopt and raise children. The place of LGBT community in church leadership will likely cause more division before it does unity. Caring for those that suffer from HIV/AIDS, the lepers of our time, requires the church to respond quickly and recognize it as more than a “gay man’s disease.”

It is my hope that as the Church, we can put aside our prejudice and fear and approach the debate pastorally, working through the issues gathered around the table and remembering that we are all sinners, we’re all being changed, and that we are called to walk the path of life in unity.

Bibliography

Books and Articles

Bruce, F.F. NICNT The Book of Acts (Revised) (Grand Rapids: Eerdmanns, 1988)

Cadwallader, A. (ed) AIDS: The Church as Enemy and Friend (Victoria: Collins Dove, 1992)

Clinebell, H. Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counseling: Resources for the Ministry of Healing and Growth. (Nashville: Abington Press, 1984)

Conigrave, T. Holding the Man (Camberwell: Penguin Books, 1995)

Crooks, R. & Baur, K. Our Sexuality: Eleventh Edition (California: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2008)

Edgar, B. & Preece, G. (Eds) Whose Homosexuality? Which Authority? Homosexual Practice, Marriage, Ordination and the Church. (Adelaide: ATF Press, 2006)

Erickson, M.J. Christian Theology (2^nd Edition) (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1998)

Gagnon, R.A.J. The Bible and Homosexual Practice: Texts and Hermeneutics. (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2001)

Hansen, D. The Art of Pastoring: Ministry Without All the Answers (Downers Grove: IVP, 1994)

Helminiak, D.A. What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality. (New Mexico: Alamo Square Press, 2000)

Jones, S.L. & Yarhouse, M.A. Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation. (Downers Grove: IVP, 2007)

Kundtz, D.J. & Schlager B.S, Ministry Among God’s Queer Folk (Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2007)

Marin, A. Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community. (Downers Grove: IVP, 2009)

Moltmann, J. The Church in the Power of the Spirit (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1993)

Moltmann, J. The Way of Jesus Christ (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1993)

Moo, D. NICNT The Epistle to the Romans. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1996)

Rogers, J. Jesus, the Bible and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church. (Louisville: WJK Press, 2009)

Shale, E. (ed) Inside Out: An Australian Collection of Coming Out Stories (Melbourne: Bookman Press, 1999)

Simpson, L (Chair) Report to Executive Council and the Assembly from the Homosexuality and Ordination Task Force. (Melbourne: Baptist Union of Victoria, December 1997)

Switzer, D.K. “Now Who’s Coming to Dinner? Pastoral Care for Family and Friends of Gay and Lesbian People” Word and World (Volume XIV, Number 3, Summer 1994)

Venn-Brown, A. A Life of Unlearning: A Journey to Find the Truth. (Sydney: New Holland Publishers, 2007)

Via, D.O. & Gagnon, R.A.J. Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views. (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2003)

Wink, W. (ed)  Homosexuality and Christian Faith: Questions of Conscience for the Churches (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1999)

Web Sites

http://www.beyondexgay.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Perry

http://www.exodusinternational.org

http://www.godhatesfags.com

http://www.news.com.au/national/evil-spells-are-being-cast-on-parliament/story-e6frfkvr-1225785775088

http://www.samesame.com.au/25/2009

http://www.smh.com.au/national/pollies-in-the-nogod-squad-20100313-q547.html

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/family-first-candidates-gay-twitter-slur-20100808-11q7p.html

http://www.snopes.com/rumors/falwell.asp

[2] Kundtz, D.J. & Schlager B.S, Ministry Among God’s Queer Folk, 140-157

[3] Crooks, R. & Baur, K. Our Sexuality: Eleventh Edition (California: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2008)  266-271

[4] Clinebell, H. Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counseling: Resources for the Ministry of Healing and Growth, 42

[5] Smedes, L.B. “Exploring the Morality of Homosexuality” in Wink, W. (ed)  Homosexuality and Christian Faith: Questions of Conscience for the Churches (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1999) 81

[6] Moltmann, J. The Way of Jesus Christ (Fortress Press: Minneapolis, 1993) 157

[7] Moltmann, J. The Way of Jesus Christ, 201

[8] http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/family-first-candidates-gay-twitter-slur-20100808-11q7p.html (Accessed August 12th 2010)

[9] http://www.news.com.au/national/evil-spells-are-being-cast-on-parliament/story-e6frfkvr-1225785775088 (Accessed August 12th 2010)

[10] http://www.snopes.com/rumors/falwell.asp (Accessed August 12th 2010)

[11] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Perry (Accessed August 12th 2010)

[12] Moltmann, J. The Church in the Power of the Spirit (Fortress Press: Minneapolis, 1993) 342

[13] Moltmann, J. The Church in the Power of the Spirit , 345

[14] Clinebell, H. Basic Types of Pastoral Care and Counseling: Resources for the Ministry of Healing and Growth 42.

[15] Bruce, F.F. NICNT The Book of Acts (Revised) (Grand Rapids: Eerdmanns, 1988) 295

More [1] http://jmm.org.au/articles/25462.htm

[2] http://jmm.org.au/articles/25468.htm

If you or somebody you know would like to tell your story, please don’t hesitate to get in touch: matt[at]lb.org.au

Matt Gloverwww.mattglover.com